Week 3 Predictions
How the hell did I get talked into doing these predictions? This has turned out to be a real jinx. Last week I had to open my big mouth and spout off about the Boozers and Brew Crew. Yup, me and my big mouth. I predicted they would tie for the low score of the week. Boy did that backfire! Not only could have either of them spanked my team but just to put the frosting on the cake I got the low score of the week with a miserable 43 points. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if that turns out to be the low score of the season. Oh, the shame, the shame of it all. I should have known better than to put down my future fellow AA buddies.
Well things will be different this week. I’m turning a new leaf. Yup, it’s a reinvented Timmy the Greek. I will restrain myself from here on out.. Nothing but supportive, positive, sweet, coo coo butt, kiss ass talk about all my Fantasy Football comrades. So, here it goes… on to the predictions.
LBNL VRS Brew Crew.
Eli Manning…. Uhm…..well….uhm….Elis is gonna…….uhm…do……uhm….he is…..uh… Aw COMMON! You guys can’t seriously expect me to play nice here can you? I mean look! It’s friggin Eli Titty Babby Manning! SCREW IT! Just friggin screw it! I just can’t do it folks! I just can’t do it. How can I work on my kiss up skills when this clown is the first one up? You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink! In this case you can’t step in crap and not spread it around!
Brew Crew has half his line up that is all banged up. Note: Eli has been “banged” also but not in the same way, if you know what I mean.
But I transgress.. where was I? Oh yeah…Brew crew’s team is all banged up but he will still spank LBNL. But that is OK because Eli loves a good spanking. He gets some coddling and titty milk afterwards to make it all better.
Prediction: Brew Crew wins a close one
Boozers VRS Demons:
Boozers has Peyton Manning but Demons has Regie Wayne who will be the recipient of all Manning’s TD passes. That is a wash. Then lookie here…Demons has Trent Edwards and Boozers has T.O. That will be a wash too because T.O. will drop every TD pass Edwards attempts so neither will get squat. Afterwards T.O will be crying on national television with his typical complaint that a couple balls were thrown to other receivers. If T.O. would be given the opportunity to drop every pass that Trent threw then they would have won.
I have a feeling the difference in this game will be Felix Jones and DeAngelo Williams. I don’t see Boozers being able to overcome that rushing combo.
Prediction: Demons wins a good one.
Shmartipants VRS Gougers:
Gougers are projected to win this one but let me say just one thing…DREW BREES! Man oh man! That guy is on fire this year! He has so many weapons! He is unstoppable. You better put aside all that crap you learned in church as a child Anita. This guy will be your savior this year.
Then lookie here… Ronnie Brown! Another major force. Boldin, STUD! Sims-Walker, nice pick up! Tell me girl… just how the hell did you loose last week?
Face it Gougers. Your up against a ball buster this week and unless you have some granite cahoonas you will be shooting blanks the rest of your life.
Prediction: Ball busters ‘er I mean Shmartipants win by 7 or more
Poopflingers VRS The Blues:
Here is all I got to say about this one…Here’s mud in your eye Blues. At least your gonna wish it was mud.
Prediction: Poopflingers by 10
Maullers VRS the ….. still can’t say it. The team with no name.
God Opie! You gotta change that name! You do know that your idolizing a team that has never won the big one don’t you? So what, you guys put the hurt on my Boys one time. Whoopie! You shot your load now quit fantasizing and get back to the real world.
Maullers are it! This boy has got himself a team. He will pluck your feathers and you will be a ugly naked ass bird with nothing left to strut so go sit on an egg Opie!
Prediction: Maulers win this by 2 TD’s or more
Twister VRS The Morons:
It’s the Brothers Bowl once again! One of us is gonna be 2-1 after this match up and I’m gonna do all I can not to screw this one up. The best I can do to help this is to watch the jinx factor so I’m gonna leave it at that.
Well I would except…Bob, Is there really an NFL player out there with the name Percy? Give me a break! I wouldn’t pick up that guy just because of that name. Gee wiz! Percy! How queer is that?
Prediction: Twisters win a close one
Sep 27, 2009
Sep 20, 2009
Week 2 Predictions
Not a lot of time before game time so I need to be quick about it this week.
Last week I got 4 out of 6. I should have had 5 out of 6 but the Poopflingers pulled one outta his butt. Go figure that! Lets see if I can do better this week.
Gougers VRS Demons:
Gougers got lucky last week. I would say that aint happening 2 weeks in a row but the Demons have Trent Edwards in his line up. What the hell is the matter with you Robert?
Prediction: Gouger win this by a hair.
Shmartipants VRS Poopflingers:
Like the doctor said when I as born ... "this ones gonna get ugly".
Shmartipants wins this big even thogh the predictions don't reflect it.
Blues VRS Brew Crew:
Flaco against Sanchez. Now there is a snoozer! I don't know how to call this one. This is a question of who does worse.
Prediction: We're gonna have a tie early this season and both will be the low score of the week.
Boozer VRS Opie:
Both of these teams look solid this week but I think Boozers have the edge. Peyton is gonna have a big game gainst Miami and that will make all the difference.
Prediction: Boozers win by 7 or more.
Morons VRS Maulers:
Get ready for a beating Bob. The Maulers are gonna chew you up. They look too strong.
Prediction: Maulers win this by 14 or more and have the high score of the week.
Twisters VRS LBNL:
Is anybody out there? Hello? Pete? Testing, testing?
Prediction: Twisters win by 7
Last week I got 4 out of 6. I should have had 5 out of 6 but the Poopflingers pulled one outta his butt. Go figure that! Lets see if I can do better this week.
Gougers VRS Demons:
Gougers got lucky last week. I would say that aint happening 2 weeks in a row but the Demons have Trent Edwards in his line up. What the hell is the matter with you Robert?
Prediction: Gouger win this by a hair.
Shmartipants VRS Poopflingers:
Like the doctor said when I as born ... "this ones gonna get ugly".
Shmartipants wins this big even thogh the predictions don't reflect it.
Blues VRS Brew Crew:
Flaco against Sanchez. Now there is a snoozer! I don't know how to call this one. This is a question of who does worse.
Prediction: We're gonna have a tie early this season and both will be the low score of the week.
Boozer VRS Opie:
Both of these teams look solid this week but I think Boozers have the edge. Peyton is gonna have a big game gainst Miami and that will make all the difference.
Prediction: Boozers win by 7 or more.
Morons VRS Maulers:
Get ready for a beating Bob. The Maulers are gonna chew you up. They look too strong.
Prediction: Maulers win this by 14 or more and have the high score of the week.
Twisters VRS LBNL:
Is anybody out there? Hello? Pete? Testing, testing?
Prediction: Twisters win by 7
Sep 15, 2009
Free Advice from Timmy the Greek
Lessons on the Stimulus bill:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of Japan?
A. Duhh!
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .
If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer, it will go to India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:
1 spending it at yard sales, or
2 going to ball games, or
3 spending it on prostitutes, or
4 beer or
5 tattoos. (These are the only American businesses still operating in the US.)
Conclusion: Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of Japan?
A. Duhh!
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .
If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer, it will go to India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:
1 spending it at yard sales, or
2 going to ball games, or
3 spending it on prostitutes, or
4 beer or
5 tattoos. (These are the only American businesses still operating in the US.)
Conclusion: Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!
Sep 7, 2009
Week 1 Predictions
Whoo Hoo! Football is back! It has been such a long drought. I’m sooo elated that it is football season that I can’t even think of a single rant for this first week, Guess I’ll just have to go right into the predictions.
Sure hope you all have a morbid curiosity because your gonna whitness some train wrecks this week.
Chitown VRS Brew Crew.
First thing I need to say is Brew Crew…you gotta dump that gay Trojan and get yourself a real avatar. We can’t go a whole season looking at that winking condom. I found the perfect avitar for you. Do the league a favor and use it.
Sure hope you all have a morbid curiosity because your gonna whitness some train wrecks this week.
Chitown VRS Brew Crew.
First thing I need to say is Brew Crew…you gotta dump that gay Trojan and get yourself a real avatar. We can’t go a whole season looking at that winking condom. I found the perfect avitar for you. Do the league a favor and use it.
Almost 1/4 of Chitowns projected points come from Drew Brees. Go figure. He’s up against lowly Detroit this week. Get used to this folks. Anyone matched up against Detroit is going to be projected sky high. I wonder how long it will be before the Lions ever get a win. Any bets folks?
Chitown is looking good at WR and defense but her running backs aint blowing nothing up the Trojans skirt. Now the Brew Crew looks great at RB and his WR’s are OK but his D is a bunch of scrubs. Eagles D. Are you kidding me? And what is Palmer doing as your starting QB? Do you actually believe all the hype on this guy? I don’t buy it for a minute.
Prediction: Brew Crew, your keg is tapped and it’s blowing nothing but foam. Chitown is winning this by double digits.
Gougers VRS Da Boozers
What the hell Boozers? Two San Fran WR’s???? You been hitting that hill country hooch or what? Turf Toe T.O.? HA! He’s gonna be a bust this year with his hurt toe and that bum of a QB throwing to him. Ray Rice as a running back? You kidding me? Baltimore was undecided on starting running backs the entire 2008 season. What makes you think they have a clue this year? I wouldn’t put a Ravens RB in my line up if you paid me. All you have going for you is Portis and Manning (the right Manning). You know dude you really shouldn’t be panning between fantasy football and porn while doing a live draft. It’s hard to make good decisions when all that blood is flowing to the head. You are so screwed this year Bud but at least you stuck with that killer team name.
Now don’t shoot your load just yet Gougers. Your just a one week wonder due to the match ups this particular week. Yeah Rivers will have a good game against Oakland but only because that Raiders D is lousy. Don’t think for a minute that Rivers will put up points but a couple times this year. Roddy White will have a great game against Miami. Duh! Brandon Jocobs will get goal line TD or two off Washington but that big tree trunk will go down with injuries early in the season and be dead weight on your roster. That Baltimore D will score good this week only because they are up against KC. Sorry to say it Bubba but you will have a stellar week one but it goes down hill fast after that.
Prediction: Gougers will win this by at least 7 points.
OxyMorons VRS Eagles 44 …whatever!
What a couple dumb ass team names! Guys, if that is all the imagination you have I gotta tell you, it’s going to be a long year. Especially you Opie. I can’t even bring myself to recognizing that name. I’m just gonna call this as I see it. Morons VRS Birdbrains.
Ochocinco! Are you serious? I guess Birbrains is appropriate after all because Arron Rogers throws plenty of ducks. Just look at your roster, the rest of them are a bunch of pigeons. Your goose is cooked Daffy Duck!
Now, look at your competition Birdbrains. Tom Brady, Roy Williams, Pierre Thomas and a full complement of defensive killers. Now that is how you draft. Need I say more?
Prediction: The Morons win this one by double digits. That means a goose egg for you Birdbrain. Get used to seeing that big 0 in the win column because it’s going to be there for a while Tweety.
Dallas Demons VRS The Deadly Poopflingers.
Anita warned me that you could sling it Lou so I guess that is an appropriate name for your team. Come to think of it your QB choice is just as appropriate for that name. Shaub is gonna be slinging crap all over the field this year. I gotta hand it to you though. You do have some good studs. Randy Moss, Eddie Royal and Jones Drew are all good choices. Edwards could be if he put super glue on his finger tips. That guy couldn’t catch the clap from a 5 dollar whore. And Beanie Wells? Who the hell is that? Beanie? Who would give their kid a stupid name like Beanie? GOOD GOD! What the hell is this world coming too?
Demons have a stellar RB line up. Felix Jones is going to light it up this year.
DeAngelo Williams is going to rack up the big time yards and TD’s again this year. Mark my words folks. I think the Demons could kick every ones butt with those 2 running backs alone.
This is one match up I thing the Yahoo projections screwed up big time.
Prediction: Demons win this by 7.
Last But Not Least LBNL) VRS The Maulers
Now who the hell would draft Eli Manning in the first round? Pete, Pete, Pete, what am I going to do with you Bud? You could have easily picked up that wannabe QB in the 5th round or latter. You did do well by picking up Marion the Barbarion and Steve Smith but they wont be enough to carry you to victory. You better keep a close eye out for replacements because your gonna need ‘em.
Maulers appears to have had a good draft. Too bad 1/2 of his studs will go down early in the season with injuries. Warner, Colston, Berrian and Gates are all injury prone and / or prune eating old farts. The Maullers will start out hot but it wont last long. I predict by week 5 the Maullers will be desperate to pick up any available scrub and he will remain number 12 on the waiver wire all year.
Prediction: Maullers win this one by double digits.
Brown Count Blues VRS my Texas Twisters.
Blues is going with McNabb as his QB. Strike one. Then he has a Detroit WR and a Detroit RB. Strike two! Lee Evans as another WR. FOUL! Jets defense? Strike three and your outta there!
Tony Romo will be on fire against Tampa. Steve Slaton, Lendale White and Lance More. These three guys alone will out score your whole roster. Butter that ass dude cause your toast.
Prediction: Twisters win this by 9
Chitown is looking good at WR and defense but her running backs aint blowing nothing up the Trojans skirt. Now the Brew Crew looks great at RB and his WR’s are OK but his D is a bunch of scrubs. Eagles D. Are you kidding me? And what is Palmer doing as your starting QB? Do you actually believe all the hype on this guy? I don’t buy it for a minute.
Prediction: Brew Crew, your keg is tapped and it’s blowing nothing but foam. Chitown is winning this by double digits.
Gougers VRS Da Boozers
What the hell Boozers? Two San Fran WR’s???? You been hitting that hill country hooch or what? Turf Toe T.O.? HA! He’s gonna be a bust this year with his hurt toe and that bum of a QB throwing to him. Ray Rice as a running back? You kidding me? Baltimore was undecided on starting running backs the entire 2008 season. What makes you think they have a clue this year? I wouldn’t put a Ravens RB in my line up if you paid me. All you have going for you is Portis and Manning (the right Manning). You know dude you really shouldn’t be panning between fantasy football and porn while doing a live draft. It’s hard to make good decisions when all that blood is flowing to the head. You are so screwed this year Bud but at least you stuck with that killer team name.
Now don’t shoot your load just yet Gougers. Your just a one week wonder due to the match ups this particular week. Yeah Rivers will have a good game against Oakland but only because that Raiders D is lousy. Don’t think for a minute that Rivers will put up points but a couple times this year. Roddy White will have a great game against Miami. Duh! Brandon Jocobs will get goal line TD or two off Washington but that big tree trunk will go down with injuries early in the season and be dead weight on your roster. That Baltimore D will score good this week only because they are up against KC. Sorry to say it Bubba but you will have a stellar week one but it goes down hill fast after that.
Prediction: Gougers will win this by at least 7 points.
OxyMorons VRS Eagles 44 …whatever!
What a couple dumb ass team names! Guys, if that is all the imagination you have I gotta tell you, it’s going to be a long year. Especially you Opie. I can’t even bring myself to recognizing that name. I’m just gonna call this as I see it. Morons VRS Birdbrains.
Ochocinco! Are you serious? I guess Birbrains is appropriate after all because Arron Rogers throws plenty of ducks. Just look at your roster, the rest of them are a bunch of pigeons. Your goose is cooked Daffy Duck!
Now, look at your competition Birdbrains. Tom Brady, Roy Williams, Pierre Thomas and a full complement of defensive killers. Now that is how you draft. Need I say more?
Prediction: The Morons win this one by double digits. That means a goose egg for you Birdbrain. Get used to seeing that big 0 in the win column because it’s going to be there for a while Tweety.
Dallas Demons VRS The Deadly Poopflingers.
Anita warned me that you could sling it Lou so I guess that is an appropriate name for your team. Come to think of it your QB choice is just as appropriate for that name. Shaub is gonna be slinging crap all over the field this year. I gotta hand it to you though. You do have some good studs. Randy Moss, Eddie Royal and Jones Drew are all good choices. Edwards could be if he put super glue on his finger tips. That guy couldn’t catch the clap from a 5 dollar whore. And Beanie Wells? Who the hell is that? Beanie? Who would give their kid a stupid name like Beanie? GOOD GOD! What the hell is this world coming too?
Demons have a stellar RB line up. Felix Jones is going to light it up this year.
DeAngelo Williams is going to rack up the big time yards and TD’s again this year. Mark my words folks. I think the Demons could kick every ones butt with those 2 running backs alone.
This is one match up I thing the Yahoo projections screwed up big time.
Prediction: Demons win this by 7.
Last But Not Least LBNL) VRS The Maulers
Now who the hell would draft Eli Manning in the first round? Pete, Pete, Pete, what am I going to do with you Bud? You could have easily picked up that wannabe QB in the 5th round or latter. You did do well by picking up Marion the Barbarion and Steve Smith but they wont be enough to carry you to victory. You better keep a close eye out for replacements because your gonna need ‘em.
Maulers appears to have had a good draft. Too bad 1/2 of his studs will go down early in the season with injuries. Warner, Colston, Berrian and Gates are all injury prone and / or prune eating old farts. The Maullers will start out hot but it wont last long. I predict by week 5 the Maullers will be desperate to pick up any available scrub and he will remain number 12 on the waiver wire all year.
Prediction: Maullers win this one by double digits.
Brown Count Blues VRS my Texas Twisters.
Blues is going with McNabb as his QB. Strike one. Then he has a Detroit WR and a Detroit RB. Strike two! Lee Evans as another WR. FOUL! Jets defense? Strike three and your outta there!
Tony Romo will be on fire against Tampa. Steve Slaton, Lendale White and Lance More. These three guys alone will out score your whole roster. Butter that ass dude cause your toast.
Prediction: Twisters win this by 9
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