Week 16 (and Final) Review

Hi All,

I hope that everyone had a great Christmas or other seasonal/religious holiday, depending on what you celebrate. We are nothing if not diverse at the Commissioner’s Office and try to be cognizant of other beliefs, etc. Yeah, yeah, blah-blah-blah. Who am I kidding – THIS IS FOOTBALL!

If you haven’t seen all of the results by now… c’mon, wake up and smell the freakin’ coffee already! It’s been our best and most entertaining season of fantasy football. Congratulations to the Nashville Nitwits (first place), Texas Twisters (second place, you unbelievably lucky duck), and the Sidehill Gougers (third place)!

Most Improved Manager of the Year – Bob Trame (HIGHWAY HAWGZ, aka Highway Hogz, aka Red Hot Skillet). Bob-o debuted with our friends and family league in 2005. The first two years he finished in the bottom half of the league (last year 10 of 10), however this year he made a definite statement with his team. All of the many days and weeks listening to the sportstalk shows on the radio while on the road has paid off for him. This year Bob started off in first place and never looked back, holding on to the top spot for the entire season. Well done, Bob-o!

Rookie Manager of the Year – Adam Young (Belmont Boozers). Also the most coveted team name of the year, the Boozers pulled off an 8-5 season with a team consisting of faceless wonders. No one expected the Boozers to do as well as they did. Adam, you can tell ‘em all that it was because of your managerial skill. How else could you squeeze blood from a turnip? Just goes to show that the so-called marquis players don’t necessarily make the best fantasy football players.

Best Smacktalk of the Season – Clark Alkire (Sidehill Gougers). From Week 1 against the Highway Hogz: “May the fleas of 1,000 camels nest in your crotch.” I may have misquoted that, but I think you can get the gist of it.

Best Smacktalk Rivalry – The Brothers Trame (Texas Twisters and Highway Hawgz). The war that pitted brother against brother in the mid 1800’s was later named the Civil War. This UN-civil war turned out the to be some of the best entertainment of the season! Thanks, guys, and we all hope that it was all in the name of brotherly love.

Most Points Scored – Sidehill Gougers: 1181 points. Had we set up the league to be a points scoring system rather than a head-to-head scoring system, our finalists would have been:

1. Sidehill Gougers – 1181 points


2. Highway Hawgz – 1143 points


3. Nashville Nitwits – 1125 points

The Commissioner’s Office is researching some suggestions, specifically the idea that we make our league a keeper league. If you know of a site that has a keeper league that’s free and isn’t too complicated, send an email to the Commish. Also, if you have an opinion, one way or the other, on keeper leagues or seasonal leagues, or just fantasy football in general, send the Commish an email.

Thanks, everyone, for a fun season. Have a great New Year, and we’ll look for you next season.

The Football Widow

Week 15 Review

Hi All,

I don’t know about you guys but its been a brutal semi-finals week for me. Once again I made the mistake of thinking that I had it all figured out. The FF Gods are messing with my little mind, and apparently it isn’t too hard to do. Let’s take a look at how it all came tumbling down….

Can you believe that the season is almost over for our league? What will we do? Who will we talk football to on the nights when there is no game? This is a real dilemma here. I haven’t adopted the moniker of “Football Widow” for nothing. The other day I asked my husband, “what did we talk about when it wasn’t football season?” It’s a fair question, and his only response was to chuckle. (I guess I should have asked him during a commercial break – less competition from the TV screen.) Well, maybe I’ll actually get some work done when I’m in front of a computer now. And maybe I’ll even meet people in real life and make friends. You know what I mean, something like… uh… I don’t know… like getting a life. Yeah, that’s it!

In the consolation bracket, the Belmont Boozers pulled off an unprecedented act of being the only team in the league to defeat the Highway Hogz twice. Yup, the only team to do so. Adam, you can wear your badge of honor with pride. The Boozers advance to the playoff game for 5th place. Meanwhile the Hogz are licking their wounds, stunned by the recent ugly turn of events. Bob-o, all I can say is maybe you should chuck that Blackberry out the window or let the dog do its business on it. It hasn’t served you well. And if you can’t use the darn thing for fantasy football, what’s the point?!

The newly named Pirate Maulers (aka Southern Maulers, aka I-traded-Randy-Moss-and-got-hosed) defeated Hoosierblue to move on to the matchup against the Boozers. In spite of an ugly performance from the Bengals, the Maulers managed to get 11 points from Carson Palmer. (grumble, grumble… couldn’t throw anything worthwhile to Chad Johnson….) In fact, the Maulers scored the highest score of the week with 93 points. No other team scored in the 90’s, and only two teams scored in the 80’s. So maybe the Maulers didn’t need Randy Moss after all. (Yeah, right. Just like I don’t need an attitude adjustment.)

In the championship bracket, things got very interesting. Or maybe you could say it was just the same crap, different day. I say this because in the matchup between the Nashville Nitwits and the ChiTown Slackers, we ended up with yet another tie. Now, if you didn’t know what the first lock breaker was in a tie, it’s the number of touchdowns scored by the starting roster for the one week. The Nitwits and Slackers were also tied at 2 apiece. So we learned what the next lock breaker was (and there is a list of 10 altogether), the number of fantasy points scored by the starting quarterback. For the Nitwits, Jeff Garcia did an adequate job of getting 6 points. Now, I know what you’re thinking… adequate? It’s all relative. Because when you look at what the Slackers scored with Kid Romo, all you can do is laugh. AAAARRRGGGHH! Romo brought in -2. I’d like to blame the vapid blonde, because Tony was probably thinking with the wrong head at game time. But I’ll have to admit, he was due for a bad one. And last year against Philadelphia and with Carrie Underwood in the stands, he sucked the big wazoo as well. Ugh, I should have known. Ultimately, the Slackers lived up to their name, scoring a total 21 points from all of its offensive players. I don’t know about you, but those numbers are pretty offensive, if you know what I mean!

The Cinderella Story: The team that managed to “lose” its way into the playoffs has just won its way into the championship game. The Texas Twisters defeated the Sidehill Gougers, and they did it with 0 points (yes, that’s zero, zip, nada, bupkus, etc.) from Tom Brady. (Was his girlfriend at the game, too? Nah, couldn’t be. Brady didn’t get NEGATIVE points, and he was even playing outdoors, in the howling wind!) The Gougers could have made it if it weren’t for the selfless tactics of Brian Westbrook. It’s admirable to sacrifice personal glory for team glory, but GEEZ! If he’d only scored that touchdown, then Dallas would have gotten the ball back….

So the Nitwits will face the Twisters in the championship game. It’s an intriguing matchup. If you consider our regular season, the Nitwits have a 9-game winning streak going, hoping to top it off with number 10. The Twisters may have had the longest running losing streak of 6 before they got their win in the first round of the playoffs. It’s almost the same kind of luck that Forrest Gump had. My name’s Texas Twisters. People call me Texas Twisters. Oh, never mind, it doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Good luck, everyone, and I’ll catch y’all after the championship game.

The Football Widow