Week 10 Wrap-Up

So here we are again on a Saturday afternoon, lazy and unmotivated. This afternoon at the Commissioner's Office we are supposed to be getting a call from the Morons manager who will be driving through on his way to Louisville. We have some time to kill, so in the meantime, I'm having a chat with the Commissioner, speculating on what's different this year about the Clowntown Clan and its managers. It's been a quiet season, not much smack, not much conversation. Everyone has been "too busy" to enjoy themselves. Or so they say.

I don't know most of you personally, so it's hard to talk trash or smack without wondering if I'm offending anyone. But then the moment passes. It's been a hard year in between seasons for most of us -- crappy economic conditions, wars, job changes, skyrocketing living expenses and dwindling incomes and reserves. I speculated further with the Commish on how this is affecting the league, and he theorized that managers might be feeling the pressures of everyday life and not finding an outlet in our fantasy football league. This is heavy stuff, man! Sheesh! We've all gotten so wrapped up in our individual lives and problems that we too often forget to blow off some steam by ribbing our fellow managers.

Well, to quote Sarah Palin, that's bullcrap! Suck it up, people! There's no crying or whining in football! This is what every red-blooded American strives for: no-effort, open and vicarious competition known as fantasy football.

So the lack of enthusiasm and participation (yeah, you slackers know who you are) has to come from some other reason. I mean, c'mon! If we all were to cower in a corner every time the Dow Jones takes a dip, we might as well all move back home with Mama and start buying skids of Depends. (No offense if anyone is actually using the product right now.) My theory is that some of you, being the simple-minded folk that you are, don't yet know and understand how smack talk works. Yes, that's right! It is a brilliant conclusion! I'm betting that some of you have not read the Beginners' Guide to Fantasy Smack Talk. Let me quote:

The ability to smack talk is a critical skill to being a successful fantasy sports coach.

Did you get that? It is a critical skill. Not optional, not nicey-nicey, not "Oh! Wouldn't this be interesting." CRITICAL.

I've seen glimmers of this critical skill from some of you. Some of you have failed miserably with your attempts. That's ok, because now we know. We know that you're unskilled, untrained, unpolished. Luckily we have an answer for that. I could tell you all to "grow a pair" and use them. But then how would you respond? (heh heh)