Hi All,
I don’t know about you guys but its been a brutal semi-finals week for me. Once again I made the mistake of thinking that I had it all figured out. The FF Gods are messing with my little mind, and apparently it isn’t too hard to do. Let’s take a look at how it all came tumbling down….
Can you believe that the season is almost over for our league? What will we do? Who will we talk football to on the nights when there is no game? This is a real dilemma here. I haven’t adopted the moniker of “Football Widow” for nothing. The other day I asked my husband, “what did we talk about when it wasn’t football season?” It’s a fair question, and his only response was to chuckle. (I guess I should have asked him during a commercial break – less competition from the TV screen.) Well, maybe I’ll actually get some work done when I’m in front of a computer now. And maybe I’ll even meet people in real life and make friends. You know what I mean, something like… uh… I don’t know… like getting a life. Yeah, that’s it!
In the consolation bracket, the Belmont Boozers pulled off an unprecedented act of being the only team in the league to defeat the Highway Hogz twice. Yup, the only team to do so. Adam, you can wear your badge of honor with pride. The Boozers advance to the playoff game for 5th place. Meanwhile the Hogz are licking their wounds, stunned by the recent ugly turn of events. Bob-o, all I can say is maybe you should chuck that Blackberry out the window or let the dog do its business on it. It hasn’t served you well. And if you can’t use the darn thing for fantasy football, what’s the point?!
The newly named Pirate Maulers (aka Southern Maulers, aka I-traded-Randy-Moss-and-got-hosed) defeated Hoosierblue to move on to the matchup against the Boozers. In spite of an ugly performance from the Bengals, the Maulers managed to get 11 points from Carson Palmer. (grumble, grumble… couldn’t throw anything worthwhile to Chad Johnson….) In fact, the Maulers scored the highest score of the week with 93 points. No other team scored in the 90’s, and only two teams scored in the 80’s. So maybe the Maulers didn’t need Randy Moss after all. (Yeah, right. Just like I don’t need an attitude adjustment.)
In the championship bracket, things got very interesting. Or maybe you could say it was just the same crap, different day. I say this because in the matchup between the Nashville Nitwits and the ChiTown Slackers, we ended up with yet another tie. Now, if you didn’t know what the first lock breaker was in a tie, it’s the number of touchdowns scored by the starting roster for the one week. The Nitwits and Slackers were also tied at 2 apiece. So we learned what the next lock breaker was (and there is a list of 10 altogether), the number of fantasy points scored by the starting quarterback. For the Nitwits, Jeff Garcia did an adequate job of getting 6 points. Now, I know what you’re thinking… adequate? It’s all relative. Because when you look at what the Slackers scored with Kid Romo, all you can do is laugh. AAAARRRGGGHH! Romo brought in -2. I’d like to blame the vapid blonde, because Tony was probably thinking with the wrong head at game time. But I’ll have to admit, he was due for a bad one. And last year against Philadelphia and with Carrie Underwood in the stands, he sucked the big wazoo as well. Ugh, I should have known. Ultimately, the Slackers lived up to their name, scoring a total 21 points from all of its offensive players. I don’t know about you, but those numbers are pretty offensive, if you know what I mean!
The Cinderella Story: The team that managed to “lose” its way into the playoffs has just won its way into the championship game. The Texas Twisters defeated the Sidehill Gougers, and they did it with 0 points (yes, that’s zero, zip, nada, bupkus, etc.) from Tom Brady. (Was his girlfriend at the game, too? Nah, couldn’t be. Brady didn’t get NEGATIVE points, and he was even playing outdoors, in the howling wind!) The Gougers could have made it if it weren’t for the selfless tactics of Brian Westbrook. It’s admirable to sacrifice personal glory for team glory, but GEEZ! If he’d only scored that touchdown, then Dallas would have gotten the ball back….
So the Nitwits will face the Twisters in the championship game. It’s an intriguing matchup. If you consider our regular season, the Nitwits have a 9-game winning streak going, hoping to top it off with number 10. The Twisters may have had the longest running losing streak of 6 before they got their win in the first round of the playoffs. It’s almost the same kind of luck that Forrest Gump had. My name’s Texas Twisters. People call me Texas Twisters. Oh, never mind, it doesn’t have the same ring to it.
Good luck, everyone, and I’ll catch y’all after the championship game.
The Football Widow
