WEEK 1 PREDICTIONS

Howdy folks. Timmy the Greek here with my week 1 predictions. I just know all of you were waiting on my predictions before you decide your line up… NOT! Boy, this first week is going to be a tough one. Most of these match ups are going to be close. There is no telling how some of the rookies will do, and how well some of the vets will hold up this year. Well, let me take a crack at it anyway.

First matchup … Nimrods vs. my Heroes
Look at my heroes. What a line up! Tony Romo! As long as Jessica Simpson ain't in the stadium he will rack ‘em up. Edwards is a touchdown hound. Welker is about the smartest WR there is. Davis is a sleeper that nobody spotted. Actually he is probably the dumbest move I ever made but, what the hell, I’m on a roll so just gonna continue talking smack. Kevin Smith is going to be the rookie of the year. Ricky Williams is gonna be running like a madman. Parcels has this guy all figured out. Big Bill is gonna be stashing some high grade pot in the goal post pads for the first half then switch to stashing some muchies there for the second half of every game. Can’t see how that could fail.

Now Lou, what are you thinking, Dude? Burress would be a good choice if he actually had a decent QB throwing to him. Unfortunately for you Eli will throw to the defenders more than his wide outs, so you are screwed. And Carson Palmer is the exact opposite. Here is a real good QB who has nothing but a bunch of dope heads and cons for receivers. You just can’t win with this combination. Now Colston and James might get you some points, but Mendenhall can get taken down by a stiff breeze or a wet fart. Carlson for a TE? Who the hell is that? Isn’t he in the arena league? Should be. Your defense looks solid but this is fantasy football. You can’t win on defense alone in FF so sorry buddy, you're going down. You better get busy with some of your infamous wheeling and dealing dude. Do you need the Maulers phone number?
Prediction: Heroes by 10

Next up, the Shysters and Nonads:
Oh boy, look at this matchup. It can’t get any more lopsided than this one. Nonads, you are in real trouble on this first match up. McNabb ain't lasting a half before that old fart needs oxygen. And what's with Steve Smith? Didn’t daddy give him a time out because he couldn’t play nice with others? How about Santana Moss. He’s moldy. Your RB Johnson couldn’t run against Miami. What makes you think he’ll make any gains against New England? Now, Davis is a good TE, but that position is only good for a few points unless you have a stud like Witten. All I have to say about your defense is… What defense? If you see a projection of 00.00 it is time to pull your head out of your butt and make some adjustments.

Shysters, your team looks real good except that your loaded up with Steelers. Big Ben? Ever since that motorcycle wreck the only thing he can pass is gas. Holmes is good and Parker is a stud, but Ben? I guess that beats what you got on your bench. What were you thinking when you drafted Garrard? Unfortunately that is all the trash I can talk about your team. God knows I want to beat you up but you're not making it easy. Randy Moss is gonna light it up at home against KC. TJ is gonna be respectable. I think your TE will be a surprise, and your Indy Defense will get the full 10 point 'cause Chicago couldn’t score any offensive points if their lives depended on it.
Prediction: Shysters by 12

Gougers vs. Boozers:
Boozers, it looks like you laid off the sauce for the draft this year. Fitzgerald, Westbrook, Portis, Jennings and Holt… how did you pull that off? Did you just stumble into that or was that by design? You're ruining it for me, Dude. You were my favorite target last year. Now I gotta find a new dog to kick. Unfortunately you have a very formidable foe the first week. The Gougers are loaded with studs too! Driver, Williams and Bolden are all solid receivers. Then this guy got Adrian Peterson to boot! Can’t say much for his #2 RB Julius Jones. This guy is like your first shot at sex: real fast, going to fumble it, and nothing to write home about. I am torn on your QB. Part of me believes he is going to turn out to be a one year wonder. I’ll give him a week or two before I lay into him, but one thing I can say for sure - He ain't doing squat against my cowboys!
Prediction: Boozers by 4
By the way Boozers….have I ever told you I just love that team name?

Brown County Blues vs. Happy Hopheads:
Bob-o, who’s the Homer now? Favre and Rodgers? You do look real good at the WR position. Johnson is solid, and I think Harrison will come back strong this year. Only problem for you is that while Addai is a very good RB, Harrison will be the one getting the points on that team. And Lynch? Is that the best you could do? The guy couldn’t find the hole in a donut, and the Buffalo line can’t make one either. The only points that guy is gonna get you are negative ones.

The Brown County Blues reminds me of my team last year. Awfully mediocre. But he has Tom Brady who will save his ass enough times to see him into the playoffs. You do have a decent backfield with Grant & Maroney but I do not think either of them will light it up this year. Green Bay will not be able to open up the running game without Favre, and New England doesn’t need the running game with Brady as their QB. Your WRs are a sorry bunch. Did you let Yahoo do your draft? I’d name my team the blues too if I had that line up. Dude, you better hope Brady has another stellar year or you are toast.
Prediction: Hopheads by 2


The Brew Crew vs. The Maulers:
This one will be close. The Mauler got themselves a QB this year. I think Manning will have a hell of a game against Chicago. That Chicago defense ain't what it used to be. Hell, half those guys wear depends these days. Peyton should get you 15 points Gabe. Duane Bowe is a respectable WR, and Berrian should be good for 6 or 7 points. Bush will be a disappointment again this year, but I think San Fran is looking better which should help their running game, so Gore should do you well.

The Brew crew is banking on Brees to come back this year. HA! Not gonna happen. Roddy White is a bum and Johnson is a clown. But then you have LT, Jones-Drew and Winslow. That should even things up a bit. Only problem is that Maulers has that big Dallas D! He will gain 10 or 12 points with that D while the Brew Crew has the Tennesee D. Those bums couldn’t keep a Catholic priest from scoring. Brew Crew… Your screwed!
Prediction: Maulers by 3

Appropriately, Last but not Least’s VRS Dallas Demons:
Here we have to most sorry pair of QBs matched up against each other. A titty baby verses a fudge packer. Wonder who will come out on top with this match up? Let me take a guess… Eli will be face down.

I was hoping to make LBL my number one trash talk target this year but with that line up Pete is making it real hard on me. Look at that backfield, folks!!! Marian the Barbarion and Brandon Jacobs!! GOOD GOD! How can you do any better than that? Then he has Reggie Brown and Dallas Clark. Both of those guys are real solid. Hines Ward will be average, and I think DJ Hackett is Eli’s sister. He has been missing preseason cause he has a boo-boo on his toe. What a woosie! Oh yeah, by the way Pete… The Giants defense was a fluke last year. You might as well just dump them now.

The Demons will be no push over this year. Robert made some risky picks but I do believe they will pay off. Felix Jones will turn it on. That kind of duo with Barber and Jones will be such a change of pace no team will be able to prepare for it. Devin Hester will be used much more on the offense. With his big return ability and more involvement as a WR he should rack up some respectable points. Reggie Wayne is as solid as they come and Lee Evans is no slouch. Jason Witten is going to rack ‘em up for you! But Dude. Take my advice. Put Rivers on the bench. Better yet, put him out on the curb. Oh, wait a minute, now I see… you have Garcia as your backup QB. What the hell is wrong with you Robert? You have 2 fudge packers on your roster! Don’t drop the soap in the Demons locker room, folks!
Prediction: God I hate to say it …. LBL by 5.
Pete, that is only because of that backfield you got. Eli is still a titty baby and guess what else? THE GIANTS SUCK!

ENJOY THE FIRST WEEK OF FANTASY FOOTBALL FOLKS AND GOOD LUCK ALL (except for you Nimrods)