Homer’s Heroes vs. Nashville Nimrods
What do you get when you cross Curly Howard (of the Three Stooges) with Homer Simpson? You get the Nimrods vs. Heroes. It was loud and ugly, but they got the job done. The Nimrods came in with a last-minute move, replacing the Chicago D with Arizona’s D. Obviously this befuddled the Heroes, who were reeling from Arizona’s 18 points, the best this week for defenses. Who woulda thunk?!! And, in spite of zero points from Carson Palmer and -1 from Chris Perry, the Nimrods managed to pull off a victory. Heroes, maybe if you hadn’t spent so much time being a pyro and a lush at the Dallas game, you might have been able to save it. The Heroes will need to re-evaluate its receiving corp, which netted absolutely nothing in points this week. Just think, if just one of them, any one of them, had gotten a couple of points, a measley 30-40 yards, you might not be crying in your beer!
Sunday Brew Crew vs. Southern Maulers
This matchup resulted in the two highest scores of the week. As Timmy pointed out in some recent smack talk (he must have been out of beer and somewhat coherent), the Maulers could have beaten any other team this week, except the one team that he played. Look out Managers, the brew crew has a dynamic RB duo of LaDanian Tomlinson AND his previous backup, Michael Turner. The backup outscored the veteran this week – Turner rushed for a ton of yards and 2 TDs. LT is now nursing a bad toe. This could be good news for the rest of us. Yahoo didn’t come close to predicting these high scores. Congrats, brew crew, on your first win in the league. Oh, by the way, all new managers that win their first game during their debut year must buy all the managers a round of drinks. Now is as good a time as any other to start a new tradition! ;)
Brown County Blues vs Happy Hopheads
Man, oh man, there’s some really bad karma floating around the Blues. First we hear that Tom Brady is out of the game after the 1st quarter. Then we find out that he’s out for the rest of the season. Holy crap! The NFL just lost its poster boy! What should have been an unbelievable opportunity for the Hopheads turned out to be only a close win by the hairs on his chinny-chin-chin. Just imagine what might have happened if Brady would have stayed in the game, all knees intact. Bobbo, the gods must have been smiling on you this weekend! Perhaps the surprise visit with the wife appeased the gods and gained you their favor. This one event changes all the projections for all NE offensive players (Randy Moss, Wes Welker, Laurence Maroney, etc.) Pete, it’s time to crawl back into the sweat lodge and hope for some spiritual insight. Perhaps the Commish might give you some suggestions on how to do some wheelin’ and dealin’ for a new quarterback. But be careful – you might have to sell your soul to the Devil, or maybe just rent it out for a short while.
Belmont Boozers vs. Sidehill Gougers
All but three of the starters on the Gougers’ roster underperformed in Week 1. All of them scored, but just didn’t score enough. The MIN D should have been impressive, but all they could muster was 2 fantasy points. The Boozers, on the other hand, got off to a solid start. Once again Adam has shown how savvy and shrewd he can be. The fly-on-the-wall in the Commissioner’s Office tells me the Boozers may consider putting a couple of players on the trading block. Wonder who it will be! To the managers in the South, let me just warn you now. Don’t let yourself get lulled into a false sense of security thinking that the Gougers don’t have any smack talk. Last season they won the all-time Best Smack Talk Award: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your crotch. I don’t know about you guys, but that concept scares the %!@# out of me!
LBNLs vs Dallas Demons
I have to say that I have enjoyed the smack talk in this matchup! It was like watching two monkeys locked in the same cage together with only one banana. Weeeeeeeeee! It was another close one, only a 1-point margin. And it was a last minute victory for the LBNLs. Great smack, guys – keep it up!
Nonads vs ChiTown Shysters
In spite of some of my best poking, I couldn’t get the Nonads to talk any smack. It was not an easy victory. Going into the first Monday night game, there was still an opportunity for the Nonads, but all he had left was his DL and DB. So I have to ask… is there a meaning to the team name? You have to admit, it does make you go “Huh?”
Highest Points: Sunday Brew Crew
Lowest Points: Sidehill Gougers
FF Studs of the Week:
QB - Donovan McNabb (Nonads) 361 passing yds, 3 rushing yds, 3 passing TD = 25 ff points
RB - Willie Parker (ChiTown Shysters) 138 rushing yds, 3 TD, 1 tackle = 25 ff points
WR – Hines Ward (LBNLs) 76 receiving yds, 2 TD = 15 ff points
TE – Anthony Fasano (not owned in Wk1) 84 receiving yds, 1 TD = 10 ff points
Dante Rosario (not owned) 96 receiving yards, 1 TD = 10 ff points
K – John Kasay (not owned in Wk 1) 2 FG 30-39, 2 FG 40-49, 2 PAT = 16 ff points
DEF – Arizona (Nashville Nimrods) 13 pts allowed, 4 sacks, 1 int, 4 fum rec = 18 ff points
DB – Chris Gamble (not owned) 5 solo tackles, 1 fum rec, 1 TD = 13 ff points
DL – James Harrison (not owned) 7 solo tackles, 3 sacks = 16 ff points
D – James Harrison
Looking to Week 2, good luck everyone!
2 comments:
Funny, funny stuff!! For all of you that don't understand the reference to being a "pyro", when I called Timmy during his visit to Cleveland to see his beloved Dallas Cowboys play, I asked him what he was doing on Saturday. "Burning down a house," he responded, as if this might somehow sound "normal." Either way, all I can say is that I'm thankful that Timmy's wide receivers were "consistent and well-balanced" (scoring a combined zippo) this week. It allowed me to squeak by and look brilliant in my decision to play Arizona's defense. I say, leave your winnings on the table and play 'em again.
Football Widow, great wrap up! Just to let ya know, the lush part usually works for me. I guess the pyro part is what didn't mix well. Go figure? Sounded like a good idea at the time.
I noticed you refered to our game as loud and ugly. I take it Lou was the loud and I was the ugly.
Can you all believe the Brew Crew? What a showing in week one! I voted for the Boozers to be the team to beat this year. Got that one wrong too. Guess Brew Crew is the team to beat. Who would have thunk it?
Hey for all you new guys. Let me warn you. I am the last guy you want to have rooting for you. I have a knack for putting a real nasty voodoo on anyone I pick.
Boozers ... your off the hook. Brew Crew...get ready for that voodoo to be laid on you! Turns out you shot yourself in the foot with that week one showing.
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