Week 3 Predictions

Week 3 Predictions

Well, believe it or not I got booted out of the sensitivity counseling. Yeah I know, hard to believe but it really happened. What the hell is this world coming to any way? That dumb ass counselor told me that I had to work on being politically correct. So I asked her “what does one have to do with the other?” That is the most contradictory term I ever heard. I mean come on! When was the last time any politician got anything correct? She counters that I had that all wrong so I said “fine, you wanna talk politics lets talk politics.” That is were things went south. She started to ask my views. “How do you feel about gays?” She asks. “Gays? Oh you mean faggots! And she’s the one that says I don’t know the correct terms, what a dumb ass! So I say “Stick ‘em back in the closet until they suffocate and die then let God sort ‘em out.” “And what about immigration?” She asks. “If I go to one more ATM and English is my second choice, I’m gonna make a deposit alright?” And what about Muslims? “You mean those friggin terrorists? AGAIN, she says I don’t know the politically correct terms. Just what news does she watch anyway? MSLSD? So I tell her … Anyone that thinks they are going to heaven and will receive 15 virgins for blowing up 100 women and children obviously can’t do math! There aint 15 virgins left in the world. Either the “Muslims” blew ‘em up or the Catholic priests blew that virginity thing for them. Muslim terrorist bastards? Blow ‘em to hell and let Satan sort ‘em out! Then she goes on to ask me if I am going green. I got all defensive. Hey! I was just a teenager, everybody smoked that stuff at that age! A politician would have told some lame ass story about not inhaling. Yeah Right! And Monica didn’t swallow! Oh, that’s right she didn’t. That’s how she got that million dollar dress. Nasty bitch! Then the commie called my probation officer to say I was in violation! My court hearing is next week.

Judge Judy, here I come!

Lou, I might need you to set my line up next week and be my lifeline to fantasy football because I think I’ll be watching the games in the pokey.

While I still have my freedom I’m taking off the gloves! No more sweet talking, coo coo butt Mr. nice guy. You want my predictions? You got it!

Lou & Anita, you know you guys blew it. You ragged on the Texas Connection! When you pull them pearly handles, you better be ready for a gut shot. I am throwing my best voodoo at the rust belt! Yeah, you got it right. Voodoo is the name of the game this week floks. But you got one thing wrong. I don’t use no goat crap. This is Cowboy country pardner. I use 100% grade A bullcrap. In this part of the country there aint no shortage of it and I’m gonna sling it! Yippi Kiyay!

By the way, I don’t know if anyone else noticed but this week has an interesting pattern to it. Every matchup pits a team from the Rust Belt against a team from the Texas Connection. Surprised I caught onto that one aren’t yall (that means you all for you mentally challenged Yankees)

Maulers Vrs Nimrods:
What the hell is that avatar Lou? It looks like a Pez dispenser that doubles as a butt picker.
Let’s see now, Cassel up against Manning. Disappointing QB’s, the both of ‘em. You guys need help there. Sure hope neither of you guys wasted a draft or waiver on those bums.
Nonads has T.O., Burress and McMullen. McMullen? Who the hell is that? Boy, you sure can pick ‘em Lou! First a no name TE now mullet head WR. Getting desperate dude? I smell fear and panic. Better watch out. If Maullers smell that fear he will be all over you like a dog in heat. Trust me, I know this guy. He is a hound. When he comes to my house the fish quit swimming. Any way … T.O will light it up and Burress will be good for about 1/2 of T.O.’s points but that third guy is a joke. Seattle has a horrible passing game.
Maullers has Bowe, Jackson and Marshal. I almost rank Brandon Marshal with T.O. Especially with Cutler being on fire like he is. Enjoy it while you can Maullers because that moron is gonna get suspended again. He better catch some TD’s because he aint catching no women with his track record. Bowe and Jackson are OK so I guess this WR match up is a coin toss.
Your RB’s are even also but Nimrod’s have the edge with his T.E.. Maullers, you need to dump that punk Shockey. He will just bleed points all year.
I can’t believe the Defensive choices you guys made! Their matchups are not favorable at all. I guess this is even as well. Your both scoring low here.
All in all you guys are evenly matched. I think this will be the closest score this week but the Maullers have the edge. And do you know why? Because I’m predicting …..
Prediction: Nimrods by 2


Last in Line for Brains alias Last but not Leasts Vrs Da Boozers:
Give me a break guys! Boozers, if you had a QB you would be dangerous. LBNL, if you had a brain you would still be an idiot! Eli, are you serious? Got milk? Oh yeah, LBNL might not catch onto that one. I better spell it out for you Pete… Eli is a tity baby!
Lets see now…LBNL has Stallworth who injures himself in warm ups. Why don’t they ever tell the truth? He sprained his right wrist because he didn’t switch hands while playing with himself! Ward is a decent receiver but his QB blew out his arm finishing the hand job for Stallworth. Barber is a stud but Jacobs is just a big dumb gorilla. He is so dumb thought a tail back was an invitation and took a butt slap to the next level. Eli throws like a girl and Clark is scared of girls. Vinatieri kicks like a fag and Ernie Sims is one!
Now Boozers don’t go creaming your jeans. Yeah, you got a bunch of studs, except for that noodle arm QB. He is terrible dude! What were you thinking? Hasselbeck couldn’t pass the clap after a round with 50 hookers let alone pass a ball. Yeah, yeah, yeah, your loaded with studs but you know what? Your screwed dude because I’m picking you!
Prediction: Boozers by 10
By the way Boozers, I just love that team name. Don’t know if I ever mentioned that before.

Brew Crew Vrs Gougers:
Are either of you guys gonna talk some smack or are you just gonna sit there looking gay all day? Change those avitars fellas! It scares me. It looks like they are fixing to swap spit. Get a room!
QB’s: Kitna up against Breese. OK to average. This will be close.
WR’s : Bolden, Williams and Driver VRS White, Chambers and Johnson. This is interesting. No real studs but no slouches in this group either.
RB’s Jones & McGahee VRS Turner & LT. Gougers have big edge here. Make an adjustment Brew Crew!
TE: Brew Crew has the advantage here because Winslow is the only Brown that can catch the damn ball.
Brew Crew also has the advantage on defense as well.
Pull down your trousers Gougers, this one is going in through the out door for you.
Got a clue as to why? You got it, I’m picking you! Not that Brew Crew needs my voodoo on this match up but I’m taking no chances.
Prediction: Gougers by 1


Demons Vrs Brown County Blues:
Rivers, Wayne, Evans, Toomer, Felix Jones, White, Witten and the New England Defense against Miami! Wow! Need I say more? But of course I will. Campbell, what a joke! Jock itch ‘er I mean Crotchery, Patten & Gonzaleze. The Three Stooges! What a hoot! Then you have Tomas Jones and banged up Grant who won’t be able to get more than 50 yards against my Cowboys. And Crumpler for a TE? Might as well be named crumbler because your just picking up everyone else’s crumbs here.
Seattle is a good Defense choice since they are up against St. Louis. But that is all you have going for you Blues.
And it get’s even worse for you Blues. Things are going to hell for you Blues because I pick you.
Prediction: Blueballs by 1

Nonads Vrs Hopheads:
Sorry to bust your bubble Bob but Arron Rogers is a flash in the pants. My Boys will expose him for what he really is… A SCAB!
McNabb will out score your QB by 18 or more.
Harrison, Coles and that towel head Muhammad are respectable but Nonads have Steve Smith who is hungry. Smith will out score all three of your WR’s by himself.
Hopheads have the advantage with RB’s. I think Lynch and Morris will both have big days. While Jackson & Johnson wont score 7 combined.
TE’s are a draw because both are weenies!
Both Defenses are so, so. Call that a draw too.
Now here is the secret that will make the difference… Voodoo time! Rust belt racks up another big L because…
Prediction: Hopheads by 3


Homers Heros Vrs The Shysters:
I’m bustin out my best voodoo here. So much that I will not risk it with any trash talk. All I can say is that the incense is burning, dead chickens are hanging, the bull shit is flinging and just to be sure I'm shacking up with Ms Clowie tonight! Your toast Shysters!
Prediction: Shysters by 1