Week 7 Predictions

Week 7 Predictions

I had to go see that screwball Dr. Phil again this week. You’ll never guess who I bumped into on his way out of the good doctors office? Yup, you got it! The Molesters. He wouldn’t tell me what he was doing there but I can make a good guess. He did however tell me that this week he learned firsthand what a nimrod is. Anybody want to take a guess on that one? Being a man of scruples I wont go there. Yeah right! If you bought that one gimme a call because I have a great trade for ya.

Nirod: Derived from dillrod. Also a multi functional sex tool. Batteries not included. Molesters ditched his leatherman and now carries a nimrod on his belt. I am willing to bet that pervert Dr. Phil has a whole drawer full of ‘em too!

Mystery solved!



While I was at it I thought I would look up Nonad in the dictionary. Lookie what I found. I was not surprised at all.

Nonad: Completely lacking balls (nads). See attached visual aid.

Clasic Nonad

Anyway, the session had the typical frootloop, coo coo butt, nutcase BS. I don’t know how I’m gonna make it through this crap. This guy is such a nut job!

He decided to focus on my exercise last week. He said my attempt to say nice things about all you folks was a complete disaster. I asked him if he was reading the same column. I mean common man! That was some good stuff! I am sure all of you were touched by my heart felt words. Weren’t you? Hell, it brought me to tears. As a matter of fact I still have a lump in my throat.

He told me I gotta try and do a better job. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. After last week I am all tapped out. That was some of my best stuff! If I were to talk to my wife like that she would know I was buttering her up in order to get laid. Well, I guess I’ll have to turn it up a notch because Dr. Phil told me that if I get thrown back in the pokey he has plenty of friends in there that would pay me a visit. I believe him too. That guy is a perv. I’ll bet you anything that he is a cross dresser too!

Anyway, I will do my best to flatter all of you this week. Do me a favor and sound off if I touch your heart.

On to the predictions…

First up…

Brew Crew Vrs LBNL:
If you go by avitars LBNL will be a no show. Common Pete, get a personality! Let’s see now. Drew Brees against Eli. No contest! Eli is back to his old self. He will be throwing interceptions all day. When are you gonna put in that stud Cutler? By the time you figure out who is the better QB your season will be toast Pete!
Neither of you will score over 10 points with all three of your WR’s combined so this is a draw. Good lord fellas! What are you thinking?
Brew Crew has the advantage in RB’s. Slaton and LT, WOW! This will decide the matchup. I’ll go right past the TE’s because both are a joke.
Despite what the Yahoo projections say I think Brew Crew has the better kicker too! Your kicker needs to be on a team that can move the football Pete.
The total D is an even match but LBNL has the upper hand with individual defensive players. Brew Crew, who the hell is Allen Rossum? Have you been licking the bottom of the still again?
Prediction: Brew Crew by 10
Now for the niceties: Brew Crew. Your avatar is so cute. I know you go with that little avatar because you are a Trojans fan but I don’t understand why you get so excited about condoms.
LBNL I figured out why you are going without an avatar this week. You’re an idiot and you know it so you decided not to hide it. I am so proud of you. You actually figured something out.
Now wasn’t that sweet?

The Shysters Vrs The Gougers:

Shysters look very tough! I have a feeling she is going to clean up on this one. That team looks solid. Mewelde Moore is the only scrub she has. Where do you find these guys anyway Anita? I mean common! Who the hell is this guy? Is he realy in the NFL or did you get your fantasy golf confused with fantasy football? It seems like each week you pick up some no name wannabe just to throw a mokeywrench in the works.

As for the Gougers, My Daddy always told me “if you got nothing good to say, don’t say nothing at all”. So...........

Prediction:
Shysters by 15
Let’s see now. What can I say nice about the Gougers? This is a tough one. Oh, I know! Gougers, if your good for nothing at least your team is good for a laugh! Trent Edwards? You’re killing me son!
Shysters, I saw your blog calling for e-mail replies. Just wanted to let you know that all the guys are not scared of real women. It’s just you girl! Aren’t you proud?

Nimrods Vrs The Boozers:

This one is easy. See bellow…

Prediction: Nimrods by 5
Lou, this one is in the bag so feel free to watch your Shirley temple movie today. Weenie!
Boozers, you sure have some wild drink concoctions! I guess that answers a few questions I had about you. PS: Love that team name!

Blues Vrs Nonads:
Here is your chance Pete! If you can’t beat this guy you are deserving to be on the bottom. Common Dude! You gotta pull this one off! You do have a hodge podge of a team but you can do it. Just to show you how much I want this for you I will not jinx it by Talking smack. I’ll leave all the talking to you.

Prediction: Blues by 2
Time to turn on the charm… Blues, it is refreshing to see that “the man” ignores the prayers of a preacher too. I thought it was just me.
Nonads, just think of it this way. After this week things can’t possibly get any worse!

Hopheads Vrs The Molesters:
Like the doctor said when I was born. This ones gonna get ugly! Hell, it already has! You guys got some scary shit saved on your hard drives. I’m still having nightmares from those avitars!

Manning Vrs Rogers. That’s a coin toss. Who will show up? Both these QB’s have been hard to call this year.
WR’s, Marshal, Hester and Bowe up against Harrison, Coles & Randle El. Another toss up.
RB’s, Gore & Johnson against Lynch & Dunn. Hmm? Could go either way. Not much unlike the Molesters, ‘eh? I’ll bet he goes both ways. FAG!
Winslow against Gates. Neither will score.
Two ho hum kickers, two solid D’s. I don’t know what to predict. For the first time in my illustrious career I am stumped.
Prediction: Our first tie of the year
Molesters is actually a pretty fart smeller. Err I mean smart feller. He takes that short bus to pick up chicks. That's his second choice. He usualy goes to family reunions for his stalking.
Hopheads Cheers to you. This was the first time I saw anybody get the Molesters to cry uncle. Good for you. You beat the Molesters at his own game. Congratulations you sick twisted pervert! You take the cake!

Homers Heros Vrs The Demons:
I am scared this week. No Romo! I am in real trouble. The Demons have Rivers who will have to make a lot of big pass plays since his defense can’t stop the opponent from scoring. He also has Regie Wayne and Lee Evans. Those two guys have real potential. He does have Crayton who is the one Cowboy receiver I wouldn’t have on my roster. That guy is all talk and no action.
I am afraid that Pittman and Rhodes will have good weeks as well.
Oh and damnit! He has Witten too! Crap now I am shaking in my boots!
Nick Folk will be racking up points too. Just thank God he has San Diego D this week. That’s a real brain fart Robert. Thank you, thank you!
Feel free to drop Demarcus Ware, ok Robert? You wouldn’t hurt my feelings.
I do have a bad feeling about this week but I’m still not picking you Robert because you’re an evil bastard! Threatening to put me on the short bus with the molesters wearing nothing but a fig leaf! How could you think of such a thing? You a mean, mean person!
Prediction: Homers Heros by 3
Now, what can I say to charm the devil himself? You sure are a lovely shade of red today Robert. What is that? Diaper rash red? Sure is fitting because your gonna get spanked today!