Southern Molesters vs. Sidehill Gougers
When is a gouger most dangerous? When he’s rolled all the way down to the bottom of the hill, looks up and realizes that he has to climb all the way back up. The Molesters were the on the receiving end of that frustration and got STOMPED ON like the pus-feeding maggots that they are. Yahoo had only projected 65.27 points for the Gougers and 76.96 for the Molesters. Do you ever wonder if they guys at Yahoo get paid for the crackerjack projections they calculate? I think that even someone like Tim could even do a better job – at that’s scraping the bottom of the barrel, folks! On a sidenote, since our daughter has entered junior high, the Commish has been checking the internet for convicted sex offenders in the area.
Even though he lives in Texas, the Molesters’ manager has a reputation even here in Indiana. The sex offender registry includes photos of these guys. See the Molesters here performing unspeakable acts on an inflatable farm animal while performing karaoke. The pervert has no boundaries!Nashville Nimrods vs. Brown County Blues
Fall is always my favorite season in Brown County – the cool, crisp, country air, the great range of colors from the foliage (somebody please translate this for LBNL!), and lots of great apple cider, pumpkin cookies and persimmon pudding. The Commish hasn’t enjoyed the season so much this year. For the Commish, this matchup was all about staying out of the basement, or as he put it, staying at the top of dung heap. If I remember correctly on some recent smacktalk, if it smells like crap and looks like crap, it’s crap. The Blues got their redemption, avoiding being labeled with the only team without a win. Sorry Commish, but I’m sure that Pete appreciates your “generosity” in losing to him. If Tom “Constantly Constipated” Coughlin hadn’t benched Plaxico Burress, you might have had a chance, even might have been victorious. Well, the vultures are circling now, watching as the defending 2-time champion struggles this season. I’d watch your back, Lou, because you can’t be sure who might want to put that knife between the shoulder blades in this league!
Happy Hopheads vs. LBNLs
Every week we are surprised, shocked even, when the Hopheads rack up another win. I mean, c’mon, this is a Trame managing this team! Apparently Bob has become the Rainman of fantasy football, our very own idiot savante. Who woulda thunk??! And I always just referred to him as an idiot. Congratulations on another win, Bob-o and sole possession of 2nd place. The Hopheads had the very productive quartet of Laveranues Coles, Marshawn Lynch, Kevin Faulk and Antonio Gates, all scoring 10-12 points each. What promised to be an interesting matchup for smacktalk turned out to be more of a revelation.
LBNL Pete disclosed that he actually has a learning disability, and this is the reason that he has difficulty typing, speaking English and learning his alphabet. I apologize if any of my comments and pointed jabs offended you, Pete, so in the spirit of fairplay, I found an avatar that would truly fit you and your team. If you need help getting it uploaded, just let me know.Homer’s Heroes vs. Belmont Boozers
Heroes, this was your chance to prove that you’re a man, to take on the Goliath of the league, to wipe the smug, @#%!-eating grin off of the Boozers face. No such luck. Even with no points from his TE, the Boozers still scored 92 points. Geez. Is there no one to save us now? Can anyone stop the Boozers and their life-threatening, flesh-melting drink recipes?? I know that you all have an affection for the team, especially since you’re all a bunch of lushes, but we’re letting this guy run away with the title! Bartman couldn’t do it, so now to whom shall we turn?
Sunday Brew Crew vs. Nonads
The Nonads must have been either out of the country of out of his mind when he set up his lineup for this matchup. Somehow the decision of leaving his TE on the bench just doesn’t seem to make any sense. Granted that we don’t expect a boatload of points from a TE, but the Nonads never gave their team a chance. Getting zero points from Stephen Jackson and Jonathon Stewart didn’t help matters either. So now the Brew Crew is justified in his man-crush on Roddy White who scored 18 points this past weekend. We really should institute a “Don’t Ask – Don’t Tell” policy in this league, because it’s not really necessary to know what some of you do with your spare time. If you feel the need to dress up as an ancient Roman soldier and play “games” with your other male friends, we don’t really have to know about it. Really!
ChiTown Shysters vs. Dallas Demons
It was the classic matchup of (semi) Good vs. Evil or Brains vs. (semi) Braun. I don’t know what universe or astral plane you live in, Demons, but around here on this planet an inflatable demon doll named “Elvira” doesn’t count as a girlfriend much less a cheerleader. (Did anyone see last week’s CSI:NY? FREAKS!!!) Your mistake was in thinking that SD DEF could score points. They haven’t held back much, giving up the 3rd most passing yards and touchdowns in the NFL. But it’s hard to take notice of such details when you’re knee-deep in brimstone and demon manure. What I’m saying is just like it’s time to clean up your demon dwellings, it’s time to clean house with your team. If you address the duds that you have on your starting roster, you might avoid slipping closer to the basement. The rest of your schedule doesn’t look all that appealing, my cloven-hoof friend. But who wants a demon to win anyway?
Good luck, Everyone, and don't forget to cheer AGAINST the Boozers!
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