WEEK 9 PREDICTIONS
One final week of football before LBNL is in trouble. He will run out of fingers to count so he will be screwed.
GOOD NEWS! GOOD NEWS! Dr. Phil & Judge Judy are out of town this week. I think they went off to some self lovers convention or something. The good news is that neither have internet access so I am free to cut lose this week.
Before I get into my predictions I have a story for ya’ll. Oh, for you yankee northeners ya’ll means you all.
Tony Romo died. I forget the exact details. I saw it in the news. It was a bedroom accident. Something to do with Jessica Simpson, a longhorn steer and a 4 foot condom. You’ll have to ask her Mom & Dad. The news story said they were witnesses to it all.
A week latter Brett Favre died. What was it he died from? Oh yeah! Old age!
Anyway, Bret makes it up to heaven a week latter. As he hits the pearly gates he is greeted by God. It turns out that God is a big NFL fan. God runs up to Brett at tells him “Bret, I am a huge fan! I followed your whole career! You were a great QB, a born leader and an all around good man. For those reasons I have you all set up here in heaven.” God takes Brett by the hand and shows him this nice little ranch style house painted all green and yellow with a nice white picket fence sitting on a beautiful acre of property. Brett is just thrilled. He was speechless. He then looks around the neighbor hood and he spots this huge mansion. It is sitting on 20 acres of land with rolling hills. There are cattle and horses roaming the land. The house is painted blue and silver and there is a flag with the Cowboys star flapping in the wind on a pole proudly displayed in the front yard. Brett turns to God and says “God, I don’t mean to seem ungrateful but I have over 4,400 pass completions which is # 1 in the NFL. I have passed for over 61,000 yards which is also # 1 in the NFL. I hold the record for touchdowns of 451. I never missed a start in 271 games despite injuries and other personal tragedies. To top it off I have a Superbowl ring. Tony was only in his third year, never won a playoff game let alone a Superbowl and he missed four starts with a stupid injury to his pinky finger. How is that he gets a nicer, bigger house with such a grand piece of property? How does he rank above me in your book?” God then bends over, put his arm around Brett in a consoling manner and tells Brett “Brett, you have it all wrong buddy, that is not Tony’s house…IT’S MINE”.
On to the predictions.
The Shysters VRS The Boozers:
What the hell is going on folks? Can’t anyone beat these Boozers? I mean COMMON! This is embarrassing! How can we allow this guy to be undefeated? What is so great about this team? Let’s take a look.
QB Garrard, yeah right. He has only 6 TD’s for the year. Hell, the Boozers had Hasselback as his starting QB for most of the season. How do you stay undefeated with two sorry ass QB’s like that? I don’t get it.
WR’s, Torry Holt, Fitzgerald and Greg Jennings. OK, OK Fitzgerald is a stud but Jennings and Holt? Those two are about as average as my sex life.
RB’s, Brian Westbrook & Matt Forte. OK, Westbrook is a stud but he has been hurt most of the year. That guy is gonna blow a tire any day now. Forte? Again, I just don’t get it.
TE, John Carlson from Seattle? How can you win with any guy from Seattle on your roster? You might as well have an empty slot.
Kicker, Matt Prater. Any kicker from Mile High is a good pick. I’ll give you that one. But that is all you get from me Bub.
Def, this guy loves to sit on 2 defensive teams. Weird strategy in my book but it seems to work for him. You lucky bastard you!
D, DB & DL, I see another Seattle player. What the hell is wrong with you Dude? I take it you grew up in the ‘60’s and did way too many drugs in your day. You were one of those fruity flower child hippie nuts weren’t you? You just recently went to the booze to stay clear of that third strike didn’t you?
Now despite the Yahoo projections (95 for Boozers, yeah right!) I think the Shysters have a real shot at winning this one. She has Boozers beat at all offensive positions in my book. Big Ben, STUD! Randy Moss, STUD! Just needs a QB to throw to him. Cassel is such a noodle arm fag! TJ Huz your momma, semi STUD. Again in need of a real QB. Holmes, STUD! TE Dallas Clark, SUPER STUD! Kicker Mason Crosby, wise choice. Baltamore Defense, BRUTAL! Morrison, Atogwe, DJ Williams for D,DB & DL, STUD, STUD & STUD!
Beside all that, the Shysters are from Chicago. She is gonna send some leg breakers after your players Boozers. I think the mob is gonna pay off a few officials this weekend too. Your ganna loose your first game this week Boozers. Your way overdue son.
Prediction: Shysters by 10
How you like them cookies Boozers? I still love that team name though.
Nimrods VRS Brew Crew:
Your right Brew Crew, your destined for the low score of the week. Derrick Anderson? Are you kidding me? I smell desperation. Ted Ginn Jr.? Aw common! Last week was a total fluke. That will never happen again in the rest of his career. Roddy White has been rackin up the points this year but can he sustain it? I think NOT! I’m not even gonna waste my time addressing the rest of your team other than to say they are a bunch of bums.
Now the Nimrods are much better than his record shows. What gives Nimrods? You just trying to set a trap Lou? I think so. Watch out for this guy folks. He is diabolical. There is always a method to his madness. Remember last year. This guy rose from the ashes to win it all last season. Let’s not allow that again. Lou, we love ya but we’re not gonna let you pull the wool over our eyes again. What was it Bush said? “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on you again or some shit like that.” Whatever! The Nimrods are destined to win this week and he will make the playoffs but I’ll call it now…your gonna peeder out the first week of the playoffs.
Prediction: Nimrods by 5
By the way Brew Crew, you have my second favorite team name
Nonads VRS LBNL:
This is the Arena League. Special Olympics. Jerry’s kids. I vote that the Comissioner spot ‘em both 50 points, call it a draw and take ‘em off line so we don’t have to watch this sorry ass excuse of a game. Who’s with me?
Prediction:
A tie with a combined score of 10
GOOD NEWS! GOOD NEWS! Dr. Phil & Judge Judy are out of town this week. I think they went off to some self lovers convention or something. The good news is that neither have internet access so I am free to cut lose this week.
Before I get into my predictions I have a story for ya’ll. Oh, for you yankee northeners ya’ll means you all.
Tony Romo died. I forget the exact details. I saw it in the news. It was a bedroom accident. Something to do with Jessica Simpson, a longhorn steer and a 4 foot condom. You’ll have to ask her Mom & Dad. The news story said they were witnesses to it all.
A week latter Brett Favre died. What was it he died from? Oh yeah! Old age!
Anyway, Bret makes it up to heaven a week latter. As he hits the pearly gates he is greeted by God. It turns out that God is a big NFL fan. God runs up to Brett at tells him “Bret, I am a huge fan! I followed your whole career! You were a great QB, a born leader and an all around good man. For those reasons I have you all set up here in heaven.” God takes Brett by the hand and shows him this nice little ranch style house painted all green and yellow with a nice white picket fence sitting on a beautiful acre of property. Brett is just thrilled. He was speechless. He then looks around the neighbor hood and he spots this huge mansion. It is sitting on 20 acres of land with rolling hills. There are cattle and horses roaming the land. The house is painted blue and silver and there is a flag with the Cowboys star flapping in the wind on a pole proudly displayed in the front yard. Brett turns to God and says “God, I don’t mean to seem ungrateful but I have over 4,400 pass completions which is # 1 in the NFL. I have passed for over 61,000 yards which is also # 1 in the NFL. I hold the record for touchdowns of 451. I never missed a start in 271 games despite injuries and other personal tragedies. To top it off I have a Superbowl ring. Tony was only in his third year, never won a playoff game let alone a Superbowl and he missed four starts with a stupid injury to his pinky finger. How is that he gets a nicer, bigger house with such a grand piece of property? How does he rank above me in your book?” God then bends over, put his arm around Brett in a consoling manner and tells Brett “Brett, you have it all wrong buddy, that is not Tony’s house…IT’S MINE”.
On to the predictions.
The Shysters VRS The Boozers:
What the hell is going on folks? Can’t anyone beat these Boozers? I mean COMMON! This is embarrassing! How can we allow this guy to be undefeated? What is so great about this team? Let’s take a look.
QB Garrard, yeah right. He has only 6 TD’s for the year. Hell, the Boozers had Hasselback as his starting QB for most of the season. How do you stay undefeated with two sorry ass QB’s like that? I don’t get it.
WR’s, Torry Holt, Fitzgerald and Greg Jennings. OK, OK Fitzgerald is a stud but Jennings and Holt? Those two are about as average as my sex life.
RB’s, Brian Westbrook & Matt Forte. OK, Westbrook is a stud but he has been hurt most of the year. That guy is gonna blow a tire any day now. Forte? Again, I just don’t get it.
TE, John Carlson from Seattle? How can you win with any guy from Seattle on your roster? You might as well have an empty slot.
Kicker, Matt Prater. Any kicker from Mile High is a good pick. I’ll give you that one. But that is all you get from me Bub.
Def, this guy loves to sit on 2 defensive teams. Weird strategy in my book but it seems to work for him. You lucky bastard you!
D, DB & DL, I see another Seattle player. What the hell is wrong with you Dude? I take it you grew up in the ‘60’s and did way too many drugs in your day. You were one of those fruity flower child hippie nuts weren’t you? You just recently went to the booze to stay clear of that third strike didn’t you?
Now despite the Yahoo projections (95 for Boozers, yeah right!) I think the Shysters have a real shot at winning this one. She has Boozers beat at all offensive positions in my book. Big Ben, STUD! Randy Moss, STUD! Just needs a QB to throw to him. Cassel is such a noodle arm fag! TJ Huz your momma, semi STUD. Again in need of a real QB. Holmes, STUD! TE Dallas Clark, SUPER STUD! Kicker Mason Crosby, wise choice. Baltamore Defense, BRUTAL! Morrison, Atogwe, DJ Williams for D,DB & DL, STUD, STUD & STUD!
Beside all that, the Shysters are from Chicago. She is gonna send some leg breakers after your players Boozers. I think the mob is gonna pay off a few officials this weekend too. Your ganna loose your first game this week Boozers. Your way overdue son.
Prediction: Shysters by 10
How you like them cookies Boozers? I still love that team name though.
Nimrods VRS Brew Crew:
Your right Brew Crew, your destined for the low score of the week. Derrick Anderson? Are you kidding me? I smell desperation. Ted Ginn Jr.? Aw common! Last week was a total fluke. That will never happen again in the rest of his career. Roddy White has been rackin up the points this year but can he sustain it? I think NOT! I’m not even gonna waste my time addressing the rest of your team other than to say they are a bunch of bums.
Now the Nimrods are much better than his record shows. What gives Nimrods? You just trying to set a trap Lou? I think so. Watch out for this guy folks. He is diabolical. There is always a method to his madness. Remember last year. This guy rose from the ashes to win it all last season. Let’s not allow that again. Lou, we love ya but we’re not gonna let you pull the wool over our eyes again. What was it Bush said? “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on you again or some shit like that.” Whatever! The Nimrods are destined to win this week and he will make the playoffs but I’ll call it now…your gonna peeder out the first week of the playoffs.
Prediction: Nimrods by 5
By the way Brew Crew, you have my second favorite team name
Nonads VRS LBNL:
This is the Arena League. Special Olympics. Jerry’s kids. I vote that the Comissioner spot ‘em both 50 points, call it a draw and take ‘em off line so we don’t have to watch this sorry ass excuse of a game. Who’s with me?
Prediction:
A tie with a combined score of 10
Oh, crap! I almost forgot. let me help you LBNL. That would come to 5 points for you and 5 points for Nonads. 5 + 5 = 10
1,2,3,4,5 fingers plus 1,2,3,4,5 fingers equals 10 fingers
Now aren't you proud of yourself?
Hopheads VRS The Gougers:
The dumb luck team VRS the no luck team. I don’t even want to try and predict this game. I have about as much of a chance of getting this right as I do of crapping out a dozen golden eggs. How does Bob win, let alone hold onto sole possession of second place? Look at his total score for the year, 611! There are 7 of us behind him in the standings with better total scores. This guy competes for low score of the week in 1/2 his games and he has only one loss! Now if that aint a bunch of B.S. I don’t know what is. You know what? Fu__ it! I’m going for the gusto!
Prediction:
Gougers by 15
Demons VRS The Molester:
Oh, now aint this a sight! You could add both of their scores together this week and they still wont be able to compete for the high score of the week. Both teams are loaded up with banged up, bruised up, screwed up, wannabees and has beens. One third of their rosters belong on the bench, the second third belong in jail and the remaining third belong in a retirement home. I am so disgusted in you guys. Two Cowboy fans and all I see is one Dallas player between the both of you. Tsk, tsk, tsk. You guys should be ashamed. You call yourself Cowboy fans. Just wait till I call your Mothers.
Prediction:
Demons by 5
Don’t get a woody Demons. I only predicted for you because you have DeMarcus Ware on your roster. If it weren’t for that I’d throw the both of you to the wolves.
Homers Heros VRS The Belmont Blues:
Boy, it just gets uglier and uglier as I go on doesn’t it? The Blues, yes the lowly Blues are projected to beat me by 12 points! And you know what? I believe it….. DAMNIT! ….As usual, I am clueless as to what I am to do. It looks like my goose is cooked. Yup, my number is up. Toast to be. Out of gas, running on empty. No fire in my cracker. Dumped my load. No filling in my twinkie. I’ve got to hand this one to ya Blues. You’ve got me this week.
Prediction:
Blues by 12
Hopheads VRS The Gougers:
The dumb luck team VRS the no luck team. I don’t even want to try and predict this game. I have about as much of a chance of getting this right as I do of crapping out a dozen golden eggs. How does Bob win, let alone hold onto sole possession of second place? Look at his total score for the year, 611! There are 7 of us behind him in the standings with better total scores. This guy competes for low score of the week in 1/2 his games and he has only one loss! Now if that aint a bunch of B.S. I don’t know what is. You know what? Fu__ it! I’m going for the gusto!
Prediction:
Gougers by 15
Demons VRS The Molester:
Oh, now aint this a sight! You could add both of their scores together this week and they still wont be able to compete for the high score of the week. Both teams are loaded up with banged up, bruised up, screwed up, wannabees and has beens. One third of their rosters belong on the bench, the second third belong in jail and the remaining third belong in a retirement home. I am so disgusted in you guys. Two Cowboy fans and all I see is one Dallas player between the both of you. Tsk, tsk, tsk. You guys should be ashamed. You call yourself Cowboy fans. Just wait till I call your Mothers.
Prediction:
Demons by 5
Don’t get a woody Demons. I only predicted for you because you have DeMarcus Ware on your roster. If it weren’t for that I’d throw the both of you to the wolves.
Homers Heros VRS The Belmont Blues:
Boy, it just gets uglier and uglier as I go on doesn’t it? The Blues, yes the lowly Blues are projected to beat me by 12 points! And you know what? I believe it….. DAMNIT! ….As usual, I am clueless as to what I am to do. It looks like my goose is cooked. Yup, my number is up. Toast to be. Out of gas, running on empty. No fire in my cracker. Dumped my load. No filling in my twinkie. I’ve got to hand this one to ya Blues. You’ve got me this week.
Prediction:
Blues by 12
Heros taking the fall this week
Happy Halloween
From my family to yours
From my family to yours
No comments:
Post a Comment