Due to the time constraints I’m gonna try something new. I think I’ll give an honest and serious attempt to accurately pick. I’ll take out all the personal, gut and from the heart feelings. I’ll remove all my prejudices’. For the first time I’ll actually be sober while I do this. Do you all think I can do it? Can Timmy the Greek actually do better than .500? I don’t know either. This could be the advent of a new day. On the other hand it could be the beginning of the end.
Well, let’s give it a shot…
Molesters VRS Boozers:
QB Position, Manning up against Pittsburgh vrs Garrard up against Detroit. Boozers has the advantage here. Plus 4 for Boozers on QB position.
WR’s, Molesters has Bowe, Gonzalez & Brandon Marshal. Boozers has Fitzgerald, Jennings & Holt. Boozers has the advantage hands down. Plus 6 for the Boozers on WR’s.
RB’s, Johnson & Gore against Forte & Westbrook. Boozers has a huge advantage here. The only question is, will Westbrook go out injured or not? I think there is a good chance so we will call this position a draw.
TE, Scaife vrs Carlson. Another draw. Both suck. Nothing personal. Just a fact. Draw again.
Kickers, Elam vrs Prater. An ex Denver kicker vrs a current Denver kicker. Too bad both aren’t matched up at Mile High this week. I give Elam the advantage here but that only gains you a 2 point advantage Gabe.
Def., Molesters has the Jags defense against the Lions while Boozers has the Bears against the Titans. This is closer than you would think. This gains Boozers 1.
DB’s & DL’s, Both have good players but Molesters may have an injury problem. Boozers get a 3 point advantage.
Let’s see now Boozers, here is how it adds up for you 4+6+0+0-2+1+3=12
Son-of-a-bitch! The boy can think and add too! Would ya have thunk it?
Boozers by 12. Oh, wait a minute…the circling buzzards factor hasn’t worn off yet. That’s a factor of minus 13. Hey! What do you know!
Prediction:
Molesters by 1
Sorry Boozers. But I still think your team name is TITS!
Well so much for taking prejudice out of it. But I can still hold back my personal, gut, & heart. Still sober too!
Shysters VRS Blues:
QB’s, Blues picked up Quinn and Shysters is starting Big Ben. An unproven rookie with lame receivers vrs an injured director of running backs. Neither will score 2 digits. Blues get a 2 point advantage.
WR’s, Need a QB Holmes, what QB? Moss & can’t find the end zone Moore vrs my QB is a tity baby Toomer, what QB? Welker & scratch your Crotchery. Draw!
RB’s, Lewis & Parker vrs Jones & Grant. Sounds like a couple lawyers against a couple brokers. SNOOOOOZER! Draw again!
TE, Clark vrs Winslow. Both studs, draw again.
Kickers, don’t even get a mention here.
Def, Shysters with Baltimore & Blues with the Jets. Shysters has a monster advantage. Give her 6 point advantage.
DB & DL, Shysters get a 5 point advantage here.
Lets see now Shysters… -2+0+0+0+6+5= 9 point advantage for Shysters. Now figure in Blues bad luck fudge factor of -10.
Prediction:
Shysters by 19
So much for the gut. That went right out the window.
Nimrods VRS Nonads:
Lets call this one what it is. The dickless vrs the balless (less balls, ball less) oh whatever! You know what I’m getting to.
QB’s, Warner vrs McNabb Nimrods get +3
WR’s, Burress, Colston & Bruce vrs Smith Johnson & Jackson. All average players but Nimrods has a slight advantage. Nimrods +2
RB’s, Brown & Williams vrs Smith & Stewart. Studs vrs scrubs. Nimrods + 6
TE, Gonzalez vrs Shiancoe? Who the fu__ is Shiancoe? I haven’t a clue but that is worth + 6 to Nimrods again!
Kickers, Kasay vrs Carney. Eli wont hit the end zone. Giants will kick field goals all day so Nonads get +6
Def, Titans all the way! Nimrods + 4
DB & DL, Draw
OK Nimrods, lets add this up 3+2+6-6+4=9 for Nimrods. Factor in the Viagra factor for the Nonads and that comes to
Prediction:
Nimrods by 3
OK so much for not getting personal. But I kept sober up to this point and still have a lot of love in my heart. Math still adds up so wheels are still turning upstairs.
Hopheads vrs Demons:
Now this comes from the heart fellas…I mean it. Real deep down from the heart… you both SUCK! You should both get in a league that spots points! Double digit points! You need a handicap for an excuse! I mean common! How did you guys wind up with so may scrubs?
Not gonna add this one up. I’m running outta time a patience!
Fudge packer factor +/-69
Prediction:
Bob will sleaze another one by 2
OK, OK scrap the heart.
Gougers VRS LBNL:
ALLRIGHT! That’s it! Brains are out! We have the brainless against dumb luck. Who’s who? If you need it spelled out you must be related to LBNL.
Calculate in the dunce factor we come to..
Prediction:
Gougers by 5
Homers Heros VRS Brew Crew:
SCREW IT! I’m getting hammered!
Prediction:
Brew Crew by 15
Boy, that deteriorated real fast didn’t it?
1 comment:
If Timmy the Greek is going to continue to do these predictions while sober, then somewhere in the Dallas area there are a lot of liquor stores that will be going out of business.
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