Week 9 Wrap Up

It's a short week this week with games starting early, so I'll just get right to it!

Southern Molesters vs. Dallas Demons
The Molesters came on strong this past week – aw shoot, scratch that. We don’t need any vivid imagery of the Molesters doing anything floating around in our heads. The consensus via smacktalk was that this was the ugly matchup of the week. Both teams got decent performances from each of their quarterbacks, but the Molesters prevailed with double-digit performances from Anthony Gonzales, Chris Johnson and Jacksonville’s DEF as well. The Demons were beaten handily – oops, sorry for the perverse imagery again. Uhm, let’s just say that the Molesters won and the Demons lost. The less we know about what happens behind those closed doors, the better!

Nashville Nimrods vs. Sunday Brew Crew
This was the nailbiter of the week! For those of you who do not have the unique pleasure of watching football games with the Commish, it was a hair-pulling event on Monday night. Somebody owes me some hazard pay! This match up was close after Sunday night’s game, and the Commish was left with the smallest window of opportunity to rescue his faltering season. Brew Crew was down by 9 pts and had Chris Cooley, Washington’s DEF and Troy Polamalu in the game against the Commish’s London Fletcher. While the Brew Crew had his back turned, the Molesters snuck up and… Doh! Sorry – wrong matchup! The Nimrods won by a slight margin, and happiness was restored to the Commissioner’s Office once again. (Sheesh, my ears are still bleeding from all the cussing and swearing!) Sorry, Brew Crew, you never had a chance. Like the Boozers pointed out, there’s nothing more troublesome than a motivated Nimrod.

Happy Hopheads vs. Sidehill Gougers
Another mediocre performance from Aaron Rodgers for the Hopheads, while on the other side of this matchup, the Gougers got double-digits from 6 of his players. It seems that Adrian Peterson has finally hit his stride, while Tim Hightower is usurping the once esteemed Edgerrin James. Too bad the Gougers can’t find a TE to save his life, but it looks like he can get by without one. The Hopheads’ TE was a dud as well. The Gougers were the high-scoring team this week, and the only team to score over 90 points. Look out folks, for the Gougers may make it to the playoffs anyway!

Homer’s Heroes vs. Brown County Blues
This matchup turned out to be disastrous for the individual players on these two teams. The Heroes lost Michael Pittman to the IR list, and DeAngelo Hall no longer has a job with Oakland. I guess they realized that he was listed on Tim’s roster and no longer wanted any part of him. The Blues trashed yet another quarterback, Kyle Orton, who will be out for at least 2 weeks with an ankle sprain. It sucks to be Pete’s quarterback! The Blues had a shot of stringing together 2 wins in a row, but the FF gods were not with him. The Blues seem to have a solid team on paper, but karma, bad luck or Timmy’s brand of voodoo seem to be working against them. Pete, it’s time for an exorcism in the worst way!

Nonads vs LBNLs
I’m not really sure what to say about this matchup, so I’ve got an anecdote to illustrate it:

Nonads and LBNL were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, LBNL suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Nonads promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled LBNL out.

When the Director of Nursing became aware of Nonads’ heroic act, she immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered him to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Nonads the news she said, "Nonads, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.”

“The bad news is that LBNL, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with the belt of his robe right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Nonads replied; "He didn't hang himself; I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

ChiTown Shysters vs. Belmont Boozers
The King is dead – Long live the Queen! Woohoo! It took solid performances from Mason Crosby and Baltimore’s DEF and mediocre performances on the other side of the matchup to take down the once undefeated Boozers and to bring his team down to the level of the rest of us knuckleheads. And to top it all off, the Boozers got the lowest score of the week! Oh, the shame! The disgrace! The ugly fall from grace! (Did I lay it on thick enough, Adam?) Yet in spite of a humiliating loss, the Boozers still managed to clinch a playoff spot. What the …! Yes, Boozers, confidence can be sexy, but arrogance, my chronically inebriated friend, is repugnant. We may meet again in the playoffs, but now you’ve been touched by the Curse of the Red Hot Skillet, so you don’t stand a chance. A quote comes to mind – “He has lulled himself into a false sense of competence.” HA! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Good luck, Everyone, and remember that there will be a Thursday game this week!