Week 12 Predictions & Rant # 2

WEEK 12 PREDICTIONS

Rodger, you thought I was finished with you last week didn’t you? Hell no I aint! I was just getting warmed up. This last week you and your cronies gave me more to fester upon. You run a football league like a three ring circus! What the hell gives son? How is it that 1/2 the players and coaches in the NFL don’t even know sudden death rule? Yes Virginia, a regular season game can end in a tie! The Eagles of all teams should know this rule better than any other team. They hold the record at 4 games that ended in a tie. They share this illustrious record with Green Bay. How could they not know the rule? Well I guess when you think about it, it does make sense. The Eagles can’t even figure out how to score against a sorry ass team like the Bengals. How can you expect they would know the rules? Even the most basic rule like what constitutes a win. Rodger you’re a dumb ass and you breed dumb assness! Stupid is as stupid does. In this case, your people are only as smart as their leader.

By the way folks, I know assness is not a word but I gotta talk at the mans level.

OK Rodger, you say your not a dumb ass. Fine then lets put that to a test. When was the rule instated? Wrong stupid! It was 1974. OK try this one champ. How many games have ended in a tie since the rule was instated? EH! Wrong again numb nuts! It is 17. Ok one last shot Einstein. Who holds the record for the most games ending in a tie since the rule was instated? Wrong again shit for brains! This just goes to show how stupid you are. I gave you the answer earlier and you still got it wrong. Just how much dumb can fit into one head? The Eagles and the Packers share the record both with 4 games ending in a tie. OK, OK one last chance lunk head. See if you can get this one right. Is there an exception to the sudden death rule? Wrong again bird brain! Good God you are a full blown meat head aren’t you? Of course there is an exception. That’s what all the hub bub has been all about this week. Didn’t you even read the rule book before you took this job?

1. Following a three-minute intermission after the end of the regulation game, play will be continued in 15-minute periods or until there is a score*. There is a two-minute intermission between subsequent periods. The teams change goals at the start of each period. Each team has three time outs per half and all general timing provisions apply as during a regular game. Disqualified players are not allowed to return. *Exception: In preseason and regular season games there shall be a maximum of 15 minutes of sudden death with two time outs instead of three. General provisions that apply for the fourth quarter will prevail. Try not attempted if touchdown scored. If there is no score in the 15 minutes, the game shall end in a tie.


I don’t know about you folks but that one blows me away. These guys are supposed to be professionals. I knew the rule. I know you guys knew the rule. Hell, even LBNL knew the rule! Ask any third grader and I’m willing to bet he would know too! This ignorance doesn’t end with the Eagles either. Players from other teams said they didn’t know the rule as well. I thought all these guys went to college. Just what school was this? Romper Room? I think it’s time to gather up all these screwballs and teach them something. Don’t you Rodger?

Let’s not stop there either. What gives with these Refs? They are just as clueless! Any of you catch the end of that Pittsburgh game last week? They blew that one big time! You should be real proud of your crew Rodger. You made history. I don’t believe any other single event in peace time history made more people blow a simultaneous cork than that one. Cheers to you on that one professor! And then good old Rodger gets on camera and says “we goofed”. Goofed? Goofed? Are you kidding me Dingleberry? That’s no goof, that’s a good old fashion screw up if I ever saw one!

What about the Ed Hochuli fiasco in week one? He blew is whistle, the call and the game! Either these guys are dumb ass inbred country bumpkins or they are all on the Mafia payroll. Shysters, your from Chicago, can you answer that one for us? Any of your mafia cousins have NFL refs over for dinner lately? How about you LBNL? I just know if they are inbred they gotta be related to you. You seen any of them kissing your cousins around the still on Sunday morning?

What gets me the most Rodger is you fine any owner or player that criticizes your precious refs. Damn straight they are gonna pitch a bitch. They have a right too! And what happens to your precious refs when they screw up? You dock ‘em a few points on their grade. OOOHH! Real tough Rodger! I thought you were here to clean up the NFL. You talk the talk but you sure as hell don’t walk the walk Bubba. Why don’t you grow some hair on those balls and take a real stand skipper?

Then we have Pacman Jones. Yeah Rodger, how about Pacman, Oh excuse me, Adam Jones? What was it you said when you first reinstated him? Let me see if I can remember…One more mistake and he is out of the NFL for good. And what did you do the other day? You reinstated that thug again! And here is the kick in the pants. When you were asked by the media what if he screws up again? You reply “he will get suspended again, maybe for a longer stint”. Oh, you’re a real hard ass. Your head is so far up his Jerry Jones butt that you’ll break your neck if he breaks wind!

Let me quote one of my all time favorite coach rants. This is the NFL, which stands for Not For Long when you make those kinds of calls.

Any of you folks remember that one? Classic aint it? The year was 1985 and Jerry Glanville was prowling the sidelines for the long-lost Houston Oilers. Gotta love it!

On to the Predictions

So far the Boozers, Shysters, Hopheads and my Homers Heros (don’t you just love that name?) have clinched playoff berths.
Brew Crew, LBNL, Molesters, Gougers, Demons, Nimrods & Nonads are all fighting for survival. Sorry Blues, I was rooting for you but mathematically you are out of it. Shocked you guys didn’t I? You didn’t know I knew a word that big did you?

Blues VRS Hopheads:
I figure the Blues are pissed. He is going out with a bang! Well, that’s what I thought at first until I saw all the panic moves you did in the last couple days Blues. Have you been chugging that alter wine again? You should take it easy on that hooch son! It is worse than that hill brewed Kentucky rotgut the Boozer grew up on!
Prediction: Hopheads by 7

Shysters VRS Nonads:
No contest. Shysters had 2 losses in a row. She was just getting those out of the way before the playoffs. She is done screwing around now. Nonads, your getting your butt whipped by a girl this week.
By the way Anita, I called that one right last week. You pulled a Tim and lost your way into the playoffs. Damn, the kid is good.
I know, I know, my record sucks! But hell, even a mutt deserves a scrap every once in a while.
Prediction: Shytsters by 12



Gougers VRS Boozers:
This one is easy. Gougers are out for blood and the Boozers still has on his bling. Boozers are going to flop out again! Curse of the bling dude, curse of the bling! Trust me lush head, I may not know crap about football but I know my voodoo. Dump the bling bub or your going down in the first week of the playoffs!
Prediction: Gougers by 4
By the way Boozers, you may tanking lately but your team name scores a home run with me!

Molesters VRS Brew Crew:
Now here is a real battle for play off positioning and / or survival! If the Molesters loose his chances for making the playoffs diminish significantly. On the other hand with a loss the Brew Crew could be in danger himself. Both managers need this win desperately. Both teams are projected in the 80’s. Who will it be?
Prediction: Brew Crew by 4 and he clinches a playoff spot.

Demons VRS LBNL:
Robert, what they hell are you doing? Miles Austin, Austin Miles is out for 2 weeks! I know Lee Evans pissed you off but to dump him for a guy that is injured and out for 2 weeks? You been knocked loopy or what? Evans get you a little hot under the collar? Make a change dude! Make a change! You can’t let LBNL beat you twice in one season!
Prediction: LBNL by 1 again and the Demons will reserve a seat in hell for you.

Nimrods VRS my Heros:
Three predictions here. # 1: Nimrods need this one so bad that he will get his win. #2 He will admit he really loves my team name. Homers Heros. Has such a nice ring to it don’t it Lou? It flows like that first fart in the morning. Sounds bad but it just feels soooo right! # 3 Diaper Dude will get the verbal thrashing of his life!
Prediction: Nimrods by 2

Week 11 Wrap Up

Guest Author - Dallas Demons (Robert)

Hello Morons! It's me, your friendly neighborhood Demon with the wrap up on a terrible week of football. I dont even know where to start with this crap...but since I mentioned it, the "crapper" would be the perfect place to start.

Demons vs. Gougers
If this was a match-up of smack talk the Demons would have kicked the Gougers shorts up his butt a long time ago...but it wasn't and the Demons kinda got kicked around themselves, going down in defeat to those bowlegged Gougers and recording the lowest score of the week, embarrassingly dropping to tenth in the rankings. I guess Billy Bobs jumping tonight...Go ahead "GOUGERS" first round on you.


Nimrods vs. LBNL
"Stupid is what stupid does"... or something like that. Well folks the winner of the Forrest Gump Memorial Classic goes to LBNL... the first time in his life he'd ever won something without pulling his pants down first. But at any rate it may just get him in the playoffs while the Nimrods seem to just fade off after a fast start earlier in the season, he's holding on for dear life in that final playoff position but you gotta beleive that big pumpkins ass is wearing on him. It's swim or sink this week for the Nimrods.



Heros vs. Nads
Well I gotta admit...I personally thought that the Heros was "toast" but they manage to get the "W" dispite having no one to talk smack to. Trying to get the Nads to talk smack is about as much fun as cursing out a Nun...but "whodathunkit" that beer guzzling,pop belly, crappie missing Homer pulled it off and is in a three way tie for the lead. I guess being a retard isn't so bad after all once you get past a occassional "drool" or two.



Shysters vs. Brew Crew
Even with this much needed victory, the Brew failed to take the Shysters over in the ranking by just five points. When its all said and done we're gonna look back and say that this rookie had one "helluva" season...now if we could just get him to stop winking at us. He kinda reminds me of "ME" in my first season but without the six wins...humble, modest, and full of sh@*... If luck had a son he'd look just like that freakin Trojan avatar on his match-up screen. Speaking of trojans...The Shysters team laid down on and just took it big time.... better luck next week Chitown!



Molesters vs. Brown County
I see that the Molesters was able to avoid arrest this week and actually put up the highest score of the week. It is also important to note that about a hour after the game, the Dallas Emergency Call Center put out a record number of Amber Alerts within a four hour period. The Molesters team manager could not be reached for comment and is said to be hiding out in Leon, Mexico. A team spokesman said that he has hired former pop star and childhood friend Micheal Jackson to defend him in a upcoming trail. Commissioner Lou Dew Nothin has yet to hand out any disciplinary actions against the team. In other news the Blues manager shot himself after his team let a 45-0 lead slip away on Sunday. The team has name K.C. head coach Herm Edwards as interim.


Hopeheads vs. Boozers
This was the most competitive out of all the match-ups this past week, with "Hoppy" managing to yank and pull (like all lonely truckers do) a victory out of the drunken grasp of the league Diva...Mr. (B)ling (B)ling himself. Creating a 3-way tie at the top of the team rankings where he vows to defend his new found stardome at all cost...I wonder if we could dump Jessica Simpson on him so my Cowboys can get back to playing football.

Thats does it for my week 11 wrap-up. Enjoyed doing it and I hope you enjoyed reading it.

Old Farts

This has nothing to do with football. However we have plenty of old farts in this league so I figure some of you could relate to this.

Old people have problems that you haven't even considered yet! An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow". The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arlene, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing. The doctor was shocked! You asked your neighbor? The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.

Week 11 Predictions

Week 11 Predictions

Oh, this was a bad week. A real bad week! First Dr. Phill put me on Ritalin because my predictions last week were so incoherent. Man, that stuff has some nasty side effects. I wont tell you what they were but the end result was 2 black eyes, a knot on my forehead, a groin injury, ruined 14 pairs of underwear, had to replace the toilet twice, took out a set of box springs, the headboard, 16 ceiling tiles, the wife divorced me and for some reason the dog backs into the corner every time I come in the room. Then later that afternoon Judge Judy ran out of batteries. She made me come over to start up her gas powered love toy. The dumb ho only had enough gas for a few hours so I had to ride that old horse for the rest of the cattle drive. Then to top it all off I have Rodger Goodell calling to bust my chops. He called up and said I was in the wrong for my bitching about the Thursday night games being on the NFL Network. Aw common! Give me a break puss! I held back you cry baby! Do you want hear the truth? You want me to lay it out for you Skippy? Well your gonna hear it now since you wanna whine like a little girl.
You say I’m in the wrong for raggin on your precious NFL Network? You gotta be kidding me! Ok Bubba, just tell me, how stupid is this? NFL Network is only available on Dish. Right? Half the commercials on the NFL Network are trying to sell you dish. Right? Do you see where I’m going with this Dillrod? No? Thought not. You must be related to LBNL. Let me spell this out for you further. Now if I am here watching NFL Network then I already have Dish! Don’t ya think? How many people do you employ? How many years have you been running those adds? God you are bubble short of being level aren’t you?
NFL Network only available on satellite. Now, how wrong is that? You guys are so damn clueless! Friggin satellite works about as well as a square wheel on a bike.. Get a storm within 10 miles and your stuck watching a blank screen. If your lucky it will tease you with enough blips to thoroughly piss you off. Me? I got rid of Direct TV after a bird crapped on the dish and took it out! And this was not Big Bird that took it out either. It was a damn humming Bird! Yeah, that’s right! Friggin Tweety bird took out my last reason for living! I missed football for 2 weeks waiting on that Maytag repair man wannabe to come fix my system. And that aint all son! What about these overseas games? Who’s bright idea was that scooter? It was bad enough when you had a preseason game in Mexico. Now that was screwed up. Every time a TD was scored the announcer would scream GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAL! That was so damn irritating! This aint friggin soccer! It’s good old American football. The first time I heard that I punted my TV out the front window and took out the neighbors dog.
Now we have games “across the pond”. What kind of bull crap is that Duke? At least in Mexico the fans wore Cowboys jerseys. What the hell was that fag crap those Brits were wearing? A queer inflatable cartoon rugby ball on their heads? Give me a break! I’d rather be caught wearing my chaps with nothing underneath! Even those stupid Cheeseheads aren’t as ridiculous as what those morons were wearing! Then I gotta sit there and listen to the sportscasters calling the game in the “Queens English”! Now I don’t know about the rest of you folks but that gets on my nerves something fierce! Football, sportscasting and “proper English” don’t mix. No, no, no, not at all. Might as well put Dennis Miller back in the booth. I wish a linebacker would run by one of those announcers and clothesline ‘em a good one! Punt that son of a bitch right in the head! Gang tackle and pile on. No wait…. Scratch that….. Those fags would like that.

You also have the grand idea to have games in Asia! Oh, now that’s real bright Edison! I can see this now. China is going to infringe on all the NFL copy rights. Our players will all get lead poisoning off the chalk lines. The substandard goal post will fall over and take out an entire backfield. The refs will be knee high to all the players and they will screw up 90% of the calls because the only balls in line of sight for them will be protected by a cup. Then both teams will get thrown in jail for attempting to smuggle some of China’s best opium products back home! Oh, that’s real good for the sport aint it? God your such an idiot!

You also plan on having a game in the Middle East! Oh boy, that’s your best idea yet Einstien! I can see it now. The team bus gets hit by an IED on the way to the game. We loose 25% of our players there. Then 1/2 the crowd fires off a full clip from their AK’s on the first TD which takes out 20 more players. PLAY ON! Says Roger. Then in celebration the remainder of the winning team gets arrested for drinking un-islamic beverages which happens to be anything that doesn’t come out of a goat. All the coaches get arrested for un-islamic sexual encounters (which by the way translates to sex with anything but a goat). The remainder of the teams get their plane hijacked on the way home then ditched in the closest desert which happens to be just about anywhere in that God forsaken land! But you Roger? Yeah you and your NFL cronies walk away with 20% controlling interest in the Iraqi oil fields! You sorry Bastard.
Sorry for the rant guys, but it just had to be said.

ON TO THE PREDICTIONS!

Molesters VRS Blues:
Blues are coming off a miracle week. Can he do it again? If you look at the Yahoo projections you would think not. But these projections have been so wrong this year I’m willing to bet this week will be no different. I have a feeling the Blues will do it again. The Molesters will be the ones bending over this week.
Prediction: Blues by 7

Nimrods VRS LBNL:
All I have to say on this one is ….. LBNL if you want us all to quit thinking you’re a retard then bench Eli! Do that then we can downgrade it to moron!
Prediction: Nimrods by 10

Hopheads VRS Boozers:
Boozers, Hasselback is available again. Why don’t you pick his sorry ass back up? He is just your style! I see you are still wearing your bling. This means you are doomed. I’m telling you dude, that bling is your curse. Besides that, Bob hasn’t had a sloppy win in 4 weeks. He is due.
Prediction: Hopheads by 4
Your team name is all the bling you need Boozers.

Shysters VRS Brew Crew:
The Brew Crew has been sober all week preparing for this one. I say all week but to tell you the truth the week started after Monday night football. But for him that is one hell of a stretch. Shysters are due a loss and I think the Brew Crew are the ones to do it. Anita, you really don’t think you could beat both lushes in or group did you?
Prediction: Brew Crew by 6

Demons VRS Gougers:
Demons, your in trouble. The Gougers broke out the big guns this week. Lookie there! Roy Williams. I know the Nimrods don’t want to hear this but I think Roy will get all the big plays while T.O. is just used as bait. By the way, what possessed you to pick up Ryan as a QB? Is all that heat getting to you? Turn on the AC down there Demon! Your getting loopy!
Prediction: Gougers by 9

My Heros VRS Nonads:
The Nonads are trying to sneak in a stealthy win this week. And you know what? I think he just may pull it off! I hate to say it but he has a lot of players in that NC / Detroit game. I think he will come out of that one looking pretty. Your game Dude, not you. Your still an ugly bastard in my book.
Prediction: Nonads by 4

Week 10 Wrap Up

Anita’s feeling a bit under the weather this week (she hasn’t fully recovered from the shocking thrashing that she took at the hands of Dead Meat Pete), so she had to pass off her blogging duties to her assistant, Jean-Louis Knowitall, whose scribblings are mostly incomprehensible and idiotic. We're sorry for this inconvenience, and we'll do our best to return to normal "What the Hell Just Happened?" next week. But first, before I begin the wrap up, here’s my brief “Can-You-Believe-They-Did-That” complaint of the week:

Sports Illustrated recently featured women’s basketball on its cover. Nobody cares about women's basketball. To call it a niche sport is an insult to niche sports. It's insulting that Sports Illustrated and (especially) ESPN try to force women's college basketball down our throats, but it's time to stop the nonsense. It's BEEN time to stop the nonsense. In a Harris Interactive Poll taken last year, 1% of sports fans listed women's college basketball as their favorite sport, ranking it behind men's soccer, bowling, track & field, boxing and horse racing. Horse racing, for crap’s sake! The 1% is actually a high water mark for the sport. In 2005, women's basketball rated an "*" which meant that the sport received less than .5% of the votes. So, SI is running cover stories about subjects that 1% of their audience likes best. Think about that and what it would mean if other magazines put stories on the cover that only interested 1% of it's intended reading audience. The stories would be something like this:

Newsweek: Sarah Palin Makes a Great Pie
Rolling Stone: In the Studio with Ja Rule
Playboy: The chick who played Andrea on '90210' bares all
Playgirl: Southern Molesters bares all
Good Housekeeping: Tips on how to get the most out of your Ikea's Leksvik drop-leaf table

Okay, ‘nuf said….onward and upward to the wrap up:

Nashville Nimrods vs. Nonads
The Nimrods finished the week in a decisive way…err, the Nimrods squished the opposition this past week…err, let’s just say they finally won without having to stay up for the finish of the Monday night game. Any way you cut it, Lou left no doubt that he is determined to turn his season around before it’s too late. Getting 75% of the votes, the Nimrods turned Timmy the Greek’s prediction of a three-point victory into ten times that much, and it was the first (and maybe only) time that the he could gloat over the fact that his team made it to the century mark in points. Poor Nonads…his team looked battered and bruised (and that was BEFORE the games even started). Although he got double-digits from three of his players, the Nonads looked like a sorry bunch. Since the draft, he’s relied on quarterback Donovan McNabb in 9 out of 10 weeks (reluctantly sitting him during bye week 7, a game that he won). And he’s only won 2 other games with this poor slob McNabb in his line-up! There's something about a train wreck where you can't look away. So far: league voters 1-0 and the Greek 1-0…..


Southern Molesters vs. Belmont Boozers
Can I get a “Woo-Hoo” for the effort put forth by the Molesters the past week? This wily manager, who fills our heads with hopes of playoff positioning and his pockets with delicious free candy, received 60% support from the rest of the league and a vote of confidence from the Greek. We all agree that the Molesters write some of the funniest smack this side of the Dallas red light district - and that he likes the close company of school kids even more than he likes women of the night, gay men, and goats – but did you know about his tattoo fetish? Take a gander at his most recent body art. Meanwhile, me thinks the Boozers should be a bit less concerned about gift bling and more worried with his floundering record and injury-prone Clinton Portis. I know he says he'll play, but Adam should be far more concerned with the part where he says, "right now I can't straighten my leg." I'm no doctor, but that doesn't sound too promising. More evidence is that old Clinton doesn't seem of sound mind right now: he thinks, of all the rookies out there, Malcolm Kelly can make the most impact. Who the hell is Malcolm Kelly? Boozers, we all recommend dumping the bathwater before it turns rancid, and before you go into a tail-spin (and stay away from the candy man). So far: league votes 2-0 and the Greek 2-0….


Happy Hopheads vs. Dallas Demons
Oh, what a tangled web we weave…the Hopheads were picked 67% of the time by the league and received Timmy’s voodoo vote, so he was absolutely destined to go down in flames. Seems like those that were standing proud and tall at the top of the league last week have all stubbed their poor, little toes. The Demons pulled off a narrow 2-point victory in this barn-burner, but in the famous words of another manager: “An ugly win is still a win.” Yea, right, and an ugly loss is like meeting the Molesters in a quiet bar for a few drinks. But, wait, I digress. We found Bobbo contemplating his crazed decision to drop Brett Favre and pick up Ryan Torrain just after this heart-breaking defeat, and we took this sorrowful photo. Our suggestion is to keep your head out of the oven, Bobbo, and look to the future for inspiration. Have you read Simmons "Levels of Losing" column lately? Level XIV is called The Alpha Dog loss. Simmons' definition: "It might have been a devastating loss, but at least you could take solace that a superior player made the difference in the end. Unfortunately, that player wasn't playing for your team." Does Reggie Wayne’s 14 points vs. Marvin Harrison’s 1 point ring any bells? So far: league votes 2-1 and the Greek 2-1….


Homer’s Heros vs. Sunday Brew Crew
So, the Brew Crew got royally Thigpenned by the Heros (have I ever told you how much I hate that name, Timmy), and he was left crying in his warm beer. The rest of the league was sure that the Brew Crew would prevail (even Timmy the Greek called this one wrong), and we were all gravely disappointed when the Heros (no, really, it’s an idiotic name, Timmy) recorded their sixth victory in the past seven weeks. And all without Romo at the helm, who was still recovering from the devastating injury to his pinky, fifth finger, baby finger, digitus minimus, digitus quintus (or digitus V in anatomy), which almost ended his entire NFL career. This match-up, my friends, was a full-fledged butt-kicking. All I can say, Brew Crew, is that sometimes you can tell right away when it isn't your day. And that's the worst part, isn’t it? Not just the epiphany, but everything that follows - every botched play; every turnover; every instance where someone on your team wants to quit; every "deer in the headlights" look; every time an announcer says, "They can't get anything going"; every shot of the opponents celebrating; every time you look at the score and think to yourself, "Well, if I can score here and force a turnover, maybe I'll get some momentum," but you know it's not going to happen, because you're already 30 points down. You just want it to end, and it won't end. But it did end, mercifully, and without much hope for your fantasy football future. You’re welcome to join Bobbo in his oven? Now it was: league votes 2-2 and the Greek 2-2….

ChiTown Shysters vs. Brown County Blues
Wow, what can be said about this humiliating defeat? This can’t really be happening, can it? Yes, indeed, it can, we all shouted from the rooftops as the last of the top three were knocked down and kicked without mercy. This match-up sort of reminded me of the Alamo (though it didn’t involve any of those pitiful teams from the warmer region of the U.S.). This was the sibling of the Full-Fledged Butt-Kicking described above. You're supposed to win, you expect to win, the game is a mere formality, right? Suddenly, your team falls behind, your opponents are fired up, the clock is ticking and it dawns on you for the first time, "Oh, my God, this can't be happening.” Ultimately, only the Hopped-Up Hopheads had the gonads (or is it the nonads) to put his faith in the Preacher, and Timmy the Greek saw it as a 19-point victory for the Shysters. Well, it happened, and now the Blues have made ChiTown the butt of all our jokes. But don’t get your bloomers in a twist, Preacher….while staying somehow alive in the basement of the league, believing you can still make the playoffs, we all know that you live in a fantasy world far, far away from football. Can you hear that crackling sound beneath your feet, Pete, as hell begins to go below the freezing mark? Well, we can’t. It's over, just admit it to yourself. Pitifully, it’s now: league votes 2-3 and the Greek 2-3…


Sidehill Gougers vs. Last But Not Least’s
Well, surely, we all thought, the Gougers would redeem our faith in picking winners…would show us that we can’t always be wrong….would put a stop to this madness! But, no…the league believed unanimously that the Gougers would clobber LBNL, the Greek concurred, and we all sat back drinking our beer, eating our pizza, and preparing for the devastation to begin. This one combined the horrors of the This Can’t Be Happening with sweeping bitterness and hostility. Your team's hanging tough (hell, they might even be winning), but you can feel the inevitable breakdown coming, and you keep waiting for the guillotine to drop, and you just know it's coming -- you know it -- and when it finally comes, you're angry that it happened and you're angry at yourself for contributing to the debilitating karma. And you wonder why the hell you play fantasy football at all, don’t you Clark? Still, our hats are off to the man who had the guts to draft Eli. And had the faith to risk 25 points on his bench for a wimp who he believed was a "Giant of a man" (not to be confused with Jay)...who’s vastly improved over the past two years, by the way...which is to say, he's now molded himself into an average NFL quarterback. I don't understand how Eli winning a Super Bowl validates his existence when it did nothing for Brad Johnson, Trent Dilfer or Mark Rypien. And don't feed me that crap about his magical escape on the Tyree catch. That was piss-poor tackling and a miracle catch. Giving Eli credit for that is like giving LBNL credit for the Giants winning the Superbowl. Piss poor, I tell you, our ability to pick games is piss poor: league votes 2-4 and the Greek 2-4…

And sticking with the theme of hopelessness for all you managers who are about to be shut out of the playoffs I leave you with a bit of wisdom. "On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead . . . and red means where the hell did you get that damn banana?"

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Get Simpsonized
At the website for the Simpsons Movie, you will find an avatar creator along with other games and things. You can "Simpsonize" yourself or create a whole new Simpsons character. For some, this may be a better look than the real-life thing, or at least an opportunity to improve upon the real-life thing. To make your own Simpsons character, go to http://www.simpsonsmovie.com/main.html and click on CREATE YOUR OWN SIMPSONS AVATAR at the top of the screen.



Make It Simple
Sometimes simpler is better. At PlanetCreation.co.uk you can create a simple avatar that even a child could use. And if you're feeling even more creative, you can even have it animated. For a simple avatar, go to http://www.planetcreation.co.uk/createpic/ and scroll down to "Create My Picture". Yes, it really is that easy!

And what does this have to do with fantasy football, you're wondering? Absolutely nothing. Just more mindless entertainment!

Trade Deadline

For those of you who may be interested, the trade deadline in our league is November 14. If you have something in mind, it has to be completed by then. For instance, if you had a back-up quarterback that you never use... that just sits on your bench racking up points that you'll never have... you might considering trading him and creating a flex spot on your roster. Just an idea.

Week 10 Predictions

Howdy Folks! Not much time to squeeze in the predictions this week. Damn Thursday night games! Actually I wouldn’t bitch but I don’t have NFL Network. Oh man do I want to get on my soap box on that one but as I said, time is short and I only have minutes to get in my predictions before game time.
Due to the time constraints I’m gonna try something new. I think I’ll give an honest and serious attempt to accurately pick. I’ll take out all the personal, gut and from the heart feelings. I’ll remove all my prejudices’. For the first time I’ll actually be sober while I do this. Do you all think I can do it? Can Timmy the Greek actually do better than .500? I don’t know either. This could be the advent of a new day. On the other hand it could be the beginning of the end.

Well, let’s give it a shot…

Molesters VRS Boozers:
QB Position, Manning up against Pittsburgh vrs Garrard up against Detroit. Boozers has the advantage here. Plus 4 for Boozers on QB position.
WR’s, Molesters has Bowe, Gonzalez & Brandon Marshal. Boozers has Fitzgerald, Jennings & Holt. Boozers has the advantage hands down. Plus 6 for the Boozers on WR’s.
RB’s, Johnson & Gore against Forte & Westbrook. Boozers has a huge advantage here. The only question is, will Westbrook go out injured or not? I think there is a good chance so we will call this position a draw.
TE, Scaife vrs Carlson. Another draw. Both suck. Nothing personal. Just a fact. Draw again.
Kickers, Elam vrs Prater. An ex Denver kicker vrs a current Denver kicker. Too bad both aren’t matched up at Mile High this week. I give Elam the advantage here but that only gains you a 2 point advantage Gabe.
Def., Molesters has the Jags defense against the Lions while Boozers has the Bears against the Titans. This is closer than you would think. This gains Boozers 1.
DB’s & DL’s, Both have good players but Molesters may have an injury problem. Boozers get a 3 point advantage.
Let’s see now Boozers, here is how it adds up for you 4+6+0+0-2+1+3=12
Son-of-a-bitch! The boy can think and add too! Would ya have thunk it?
Boozers by 12. Oh, wait a minute…the circling buzzards factor hasn’t worn off yet. That’s a factor of minus 13. Hey! What do you know!
Prediction:
Molesters by 1
Sorry Boozers. But I still think your team name is TITS!

Well so much for taking prejudice out of it. But I can still hold back my personal, gut, & heart. Still sober too!

Shysters VRS Blues:
QB’s, Blues picked up Quinn and Shysters is starting Big Ben. An unproven rookie with lame receivers vrs an injured director of running backs. Neither will score 2 digits. Blues get a 2 point advantage.
WR’s, Need a QB Holmes, what QB? Moss & can’t find the end zone Moore vrs my QB is a tity baby Toomer, what QB? Welker & scratch your Crotchery. Draw!
RB’s, Lewis & Parker vrs Jones & Grant. Sounds like a couple lawyers against a couple brokers. SNOOOOOZER! Draw again!
TE, Clark vrs Winslow. Both studs, draw again.
Kickers, don’t even get a mention here.
Def, Shysters with Baltimore & Blues with the Jets. Shysters has a monster advantage. Give her 6 point advantage.
DB & DL, Shysters get a 5 point advantage here.
Lets see now Shysters… -2+0+0+0+6+5= 9 point advantage for Shysters. Now figure in Blues bad luck fudge factor of -10.
Prediction:
Shysters by 19

So much for the gut. That went right out the window.

Nimrods VRS Nonads:
Lets call this one what it is. The dickless vrs the balless (less balls, ball less) oh whatever! You know what I’m getting to.
QB’s, Warner vrs McNabb Nimrods get +3
WR’s, Burress, Colston & Bruce vrs Smith Johnson & Jackson. All average players but Nimrods has a slight advantage. Nimrods +2
RB’s, Brown & Williams vrs Smith & Stewart. Studs vrs scrubs. Nimrods + 6
TE, Gonzalez vrs Shiancoe? Who the fu__ is Shiancoe? I haven’t a clue but that is worth + 6 to Nimrods again!
Kickers, Kasay vrs Carney. Eli wont hit the end zone. Giants will kick field goals all day so Nonads get +6
Def, Titans all the way! Nimrods + 4
DB & DL, Draw
OK Nimrods, lets add this up 3+2+6-6+4=9 for Nimrods. Factor in the Viagra factor for the Nonads and that comes to
Prediction:
Nimrods by 3

OK so much for not getting personal. But I kept sober up to this point and still have a lot of love in my heart. Math still adds up so wheels are still turning upstairs.

Hopheads vrs Demons:
Now this comes from the heart fellas…I mean it. Real deep down from the heart… you both SUCK! You should both get in a league that spots points! Double digit points! You need a handicap for an excuse! I mean common! How did you guys wind up with so may scrubs?
Not gonna add this one up. I’m running outta time a patience!
Fudge packer factor +/-69
Prediction:
Bob will sleaze another one by 2

OK, OK scrap the heart.

Gougers VRS LBNL:
ALLRIGHT! That’s it! Brains are out! We have the brainless against dumb luck. Who’s who? If you need it spelled out you must be related to LBNL.
Calculate in the dunce factor we come to..
Prediction:
Gougers by 5

Homers Heros VRS Brew Crew:
SCREW IT! I’m getting hammered!
Prediction:
Brew Crew by 15

Boy, that deteriorated real fast didn’t it?

Riding On the Short Bus

A cabbie, driving a little yellow bus, picked up a Nun at the Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport. She climbed into the little yellow bus, and noticed that the VERY handsome cab driver wouldn't stop staring at her. Nervously, she asked him why he was staring.
He replied: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you."
She answered: "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old and as wise as I am, and you've been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask or do that I would find offensive."
"Well," said the cabbie, "I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responded with a smile: "Well, let's see what we can do about fulfilling that fantasy. But first, I must know that you are an unmarried gentleman who is not cheating on his spouse. And, second, you must promise me that you are a Catholic."
The cab driver was very excited and proclaimed: "Well, no, I am not married and I've been a Catholic all of my life!"
"All right," the nun said. "Pull into the next alley." The nun proceeded to fulfill his fantasy, giving him a kiss that would have made a sailor blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver started crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married, I'm Jewish, and I'm not a cab driver."
The nun smiled and said: "That's quite alright. My name is Gabe and I'm going to a Halloween party."

Week 9 Wrap Up

It's a short week this week with games starting early, so I'll just get right to it!

Southern Molesters vs. Dallas Demons
The Molesters came on strong this past week – aw shoot, scratch that. We don’t need any vivid imagery of the Molesters doing anything floating around in our heads. The consensus via smacktalk was that this was the ugly matchup of the week. Both teams got decent performances from each of their quarterbacks, but the Molesters prevailed with double-digit performances from Anthony Gonzales, Chris Johnson and Jacksonville’s DEF as well. The Demons were beaten handily – oops, sorry for the perverse imagery again. Uhm, let’s just say that the Molesters won and the Demons lost. The less we know about what happens behind those closed doors, the better!

Nashville Nimrods vs. Sunday Brew Crew
This was the nailbiter of the week! For those of you who do not have the unique pleasure of watching football games with the Commish, it was a hair-pulling event on Monday night. Somebody owes me some hazard pay! This match up was close after Sunday night’s game, and the Commish was left with the smallest window of opportunity to rescue his faltering season. Brew Crew was down by 9 pts and had Chris Cooley, Washington’s DEF and Troy Polamalu in the game against the Commish’s London Fletcher. While the Brew Crew had his back turned, the Molesters snuck up and… Doh! Sorry – wrong matchup! The Nimrods won by a slight margin, and happiness was restored to the Commissioner’s Office once again. (Sheesh, my ears are still bleeding from all the cussing and swearing!) Sorry, Brew Crew, you never had a chance. Like the Boozers pointed out, there’s nothing more troublesome than a motivated Nimrod.

Happy Hopheads vs. Sidehill Gougers
Another mediocre performance from Aaron Rodgers for the Hopheads, while on the other side of this matchup, the Gougers got double-digits from 6 of his players. It seems that Adrian Peterson has finally hit his stride, while Tim Hightower is usurping the once esteemed Edgerrin James. Too bad the Gougers can’t find a TE to save his life, but it looks like he can get by without one. The Hopheads’ TE was a dud as well. The Gougers were the high-scoring team this week, and the only team to score over 90 points. Look out folks, for the Gougers may make it to the playoffs anyway!

Homer’s Heroes vs. Brown County Blues
This matchup turned out to be disastrous for the individual players on these two teams. The Heroes lost Michael Pittman to the IR list, and DeAngelo Hall no longer has a job with Oakland. I guess they realized that he was listed on Tim’s roster and no longer wanted any part of him. The Blues trashed yet another quarterback, Kyle Orton, who will be out for at least 2 weeks with an ankle sprain. It sucks to be Pete’s quarterback! The Blues had a shot of stringing together 2 wins in a row, but the FF gods were not with him. The Blues seem to have a solid team on paper, but karma, bad luck or Timmy’s brand of voodoo seem to be working against them. Pete, it’s time for an exorcism in the worst way!

Nonads vs LBNLs
I’m not really sure what to say about this matchup, so I’ve got an anecdote to illustrate it:

Nonads and LBNL were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, LBNL suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Nonads promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled LBNL out.

When the Director of Nursing became aware of Nonads’ heroic act, she immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered him to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Nonads the news she said, "Nonads, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.”

“The bad news is that LBNL, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with the belt of his robe right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Nonads replied; "He didn't hang himself; I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

ChiTown Shysters vs. Belmont Boozers
The King is dead – Long live the Queen! Woohoo! It took solid performances from Mason Crosby and Baltimore’s DEF and mediocre performances on the other side of the matchup to take down the once undefeated Boozers and to bring his team down to the level of the rest of us knuckleheads. And to top it all off, the Boozers got the lowest score of the week! Oh, the shame! The disgrace! The ugly fall from grace! (Did I lay it on thick enough, Adam?) Yet in spite of a humiliating loss, the Boozers still managed to clinch a playoff spot. What the …! Yes, Boozers, confidence can be sexy, but arrogance, my chronically inebriated friend, is repugnant. We may meet again in the playoffs, but now you’ve been touched by the Curse of the Red Hot Skillet, so you don’t stand a chance. A quote comes to mind – “He has lulled himself into a false sense of competence.” HA! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Good luck, Everyone, and remember that there will be a Thursday game this week!

How to Chug a Beer

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Do your friends make disparaging remarks about your masculinity whenever you fail to chug a beer? Do you feel the need to prove your virility by downing beers faster than any of your buddies? Well read on, and discover secret techniques to humiliate your friends and reclaim your manhood.

Steps

1. Buy some beer. Only do this if you're of legal age (21 in America, 20 in Japan and Iceland, 18 or 19 in Canada depending on province, 16 in most of Europe and around 18 most everywhere else). Don't bother with good (expensive) beer. If you're drinking it this way, you probably don't care about taste. If you care about taste, this article may not be for you. Read How to Drink Beer.
   
2. Practice with water. Your "training" will be more effective if you have your wits about you.
   
3. Let the beer warm up a little. It helps if the beer is not ice-cold (talk about brain freeze) but don't drink warm beer, either, or you'll end up with a stomach full of foam.[1]
   
4. Let the beer build up bubble if you pour it. Then wait for the bubbles to subside. You want to get rid of as many bubbles as possible because that'll make the beer easier to drink quickly. While you're waiting, the beer will warm up a bit (see previous step).
   
5. Right before drinking, hit the bottom of the glass on the table. This releases more carbon dioxide.
   
6. Lean your head back slightly. Open your throat, take a half breath right before drinking, and then swing the glass or can quickly so the beer rushes to the back of your throat. Swallow right before the beer actually hits your throat (see video below). Then let gravity take over; the beer should essentially pour down your throat. Try to keep your tongue low and out of the way. Alternatively, you can take a big breath and breathe all your oxygen out of your lungs. Once your throat is clear, tilt back.
   
7. Crush the can. If you're chugging from a can, crush it from back to front, as if you're squeezing a tube of toothpaste. This should help you push the beer out of the can and into your mouth faster than it would normally flow. If you squeeze too early or too close to your mouth, you'll trap some beer in the can. Twist the beer can as you crush it.[2]
   
8. Slam the empty container down, letting your friends know that you drank a beer faster than they did.
   

Video

Shotgunning Method

1. Use a knife, screwdriver, spike or other small sharp implement to make a puncture wound in the base of the can when it is on its side so that it doesn't spray at you. Basically, the hole equalizes the pressure in the can when beer is being poured out. This allows a smooth and fast rate of flow.
   
2. Bend over and place the hole to your mouth.
   
3. Stand up quickly and open the ring pull, or whatever fastening mechanism is on top. The beer will be downed quickly, and you can slam the can down in exuberance (this method is often called "shotgunning" or "Cannonballing").
   

Carburetor Method

1. Instead of punching the hole in the bottom of the can; place it in the back top section directly across from the opening.
   
2. Place your finger over the hole (carburetor).
   
3. Open the beer and begin to drink normally.
   
4. Open your throat and remove your finger from the hole in back of the can. Using this method, a beer can be drunk in less than 4 seconds.
   

"Strawpedo" Method

1. Open the bottle in the usual fashion.
   
2. Insert bendy straw bent at 90 degrees with the shorter side on the outside and the longer side in the bottle.
   
3. Put mouth over opening in usual fashion holding the straw in place with hand
   
4. Lean head back.
   
5. Keep swallowing till all the beer's gone. The straw allows air into the bottle. using this method there will be no spillage and the beer can be finished in less than 10 seconds (330ml bottle).
   

Tips

• Don't chug a beer if you are too full or you may throw up. Too many in succession also have the same effect.
  

Warnings

• Remember, you could be putting your life at risk by doing this in excess.
  
• Always have a friend on hand so he or she can call 9-1-1 if necessary. Inform your friends that they are never to let you "sleep it off", and never put someone to bed yourself if they look really drunk.
  
• Do not drive your car if you have been drinking. Call a cab or get a designated driver to bring you home.
  
• Understand that drinking while pregnant can cause serious birth defects to the baby, and should never be done.
  
• Always drink responsibly.
  

Related wikiHows

• How to Construct a Beer Bong
  
• How to Brew Your Own Beer
  
• How to Enjoy the Taste of Beer
  
• How to Make Beer Candles
  

Sources and Citations

1. ↑ http://www.ehow.com/how_2065801_chug-beer-under-4-seconds.html


2. ↑ http://www.blogsweatandbeers.com/how-to-chug-a-beer

Article provided by wikiHow, a collaborative writing project to build the world's largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Chug a Beer. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Week 9 Predictions

WEEK 9 PREDICTIONS

One final week of football before LBNL is in trouble. He will run out of fingers to count so he will be screwed.

GOOD NEWS! GOOD NEWS! Dr. Phil & Judge Judy are out of town this week. I think they went off to some self lovers convention or something. The good news is that neither have internet access so I am free to cut lose this week.
Before I get into my predictions I have a story for ya’ll. Oh, for you yankee northeners ya’ll means you all.

Tony Romo died. I forget the exact details. I saw it in the news. It was a bedroom accident. Something to do with Jessica Simpson, a longhorn steer and a 4 foot condom. You’ll have to ask her Mom & Dad. The news story said they were witnesses to it all.
A week latter Brett Favre died. What was it he died from? Oh yeah! Old age!
Anyway, Bret makes it up to heaven a week latter. As he hits the pearly gates he is greeted by God. It turns out that God is a big NFL fan. God runs up to Brett at tells him “Bret, I am a huge fan! I followed your whole career! You were a great QB, a born leader and an all around good man. For those reasons I have you all set up here in heaven.” God takes Brett by the hand and shows him this nice little ranch style house painted all green and yellow with a nice white picket fence sitting on a beautiful acre of property. Brett is just thrilled. He was speechless. He then looks around the neighbor hood and he spots this huge mansion. It is sitting on 20 acres of land with rolling hills. There are cattle and horses roaming the land. The house is painted blue and silver and there is a flag with the Cowboys star flapping in the wind on a pole proudly displayed in the front yard. Brett turns to God and says “God, I don’t mean to seem ungrateful but I have over 4,400 pass completions which is # 1 in the NFL. I have passed for over 61,000 yards which is also # 1 in the NFL. I hold the record for touchdowns of 451. I never missed a start in 271 games despite injuries and other personal tragedies. To top it off I have a Superbowl ring. Tony was only in his third year, never won a playoff game let alone a Superbowl and he missed four starts with a stupid injury to his pinky finger. How is that he gets a nicer, bigger house with such a grand piece of property? How does he rank above me in your book?” God then bends over, put his arm around Brett in a consoling manner and tells Brett “Brett, you have it all wrong buddy, that is not Tony’s house…IT’S MINE”.


On to the predictions.


The Shysters VRS The Boozers:
What the hell is going on folks? Can’t anyone beat these Boozers? I mean COMMON! This is embarrassing! How can we allow this guy to be undefeated? What is so great about this team? Let’s take a look.
QB Garrard, yeah right. He has only 6 TD’s for the year. Hell, the Boozers had Hasselback as his starting QB for most of the season. How do you stay undefeated with two sorry ass QB’s like that? I don’t get it.
WR’s, Torry Holt, Fitzgerald and Greg Jennings. OK, OK Fitzgerald is a stud but Jennings and Holt? Those two are about as average as my sex life.
RB’s, Brian Westbrook & Matt Forte. OK, Westbrook is a stud but he has been hurt most of the year. That guy is gonna blow a tire any day now. Forte? Again, I just don’t get it.
TE, John Carlson from Seattle? How can you win with any guy from Seattle on your roster? You might as well have an empty slot.
Kicker, Matt Prater. Any kicker from Mile High is a good pick. I’ll give you that one. But that is all you get from me Bub.
Def, this guy loves to sit on 2 defensive teams. Weird strategy in my book but it seems to work for him. You lucky bastard you!
D, DB & DL, I see another Seattle player. What the hell is wrong with you Dude? I take it you grew up in the ‘60’s and did way too many drugs in your day. You were one of those fruity flower child hippie nuts weren’t you? You just recently went to the booze to stay clear of that third strike didn’t you?
Now despite the Yahoo projections (95 for Boozers, yeah right!) I think the Shysters have a real shot at winning this one. She has Boozers beat at all offensive positions in my book. Big Ben, STUD! Randy Moss, STUD! Just needs a QB to throw to him. Cassel is such a noodle arm fag! TJ Huz your momma, semi STUD. Again in need of a real QB. Holmes, STUD! TE Dallas Clark, SUPER STUD! Kicker Mason Crosby, wise choice. Baltamore Defense, BRUTAL! Morrison, Atogwe, DJ Williams for D,DB & DL, STUD, STUD & STUD!
Beside all that, the Shysters are from Chicago. She is gonna send some leg breakers after your players Boozers. I think the mob is gonna pay off a few officials this weekend too. Your ganna loose your first game this week Boozers. Your way overdue son.
Prediction: Shysters by 10
How you like them cookies Boozers? I still love that team name though.

Nimrods VRS Brew Crew:
Your right Brew Crew, your destined for the low score of the week. Derrick Anderson? Are you kidding me? I smell desperation. Ted Ginn Jr.? Aw common! Last week was a total fluke. That will never happen again in the rest of his career. Roddy White has been rackin up the points this year but can he sustain it? I think NOT! I’m not even gonna waste my time addressing the rest of your team other than to say they are a bunch of bums.
Now the Nimrods are much better than his record shows. What gives Nimrods? You just trying to set a trap Lou? I think so. Watch out for this guy folks. He is diabolical. There is always a method to his madness. Remember last year. This guy rose from the ashes to win it all last season. Let’s not allow that again. Lou, we love ya but we’re not gonna let you pull the wool over our eyes again. What was it Bush said? “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on you again or some shit like that.” Whatever! The Nimrods are destined to win this week and he will make the playoffs but I’ll call it now…your gonna peeder out the first week of the playoffs.
Prediction: Nimrods by 5
By the way Brew Crew, you have my second favorite team name

Nonads VRS LBNL:
This is the Arena League. Special Olympics. Jerry’s kids. I vote that the Comissioner spot ‘em both 50 points, call it a draw and take ‘em off line so we don’t have to watch this sorry ass excuse of a game. Who’s with me?
Prediction:
A tie with a combined score of 10

Oh, crap! I almost forgot. let me help you LBNL. That would come to 5 points for you and 5 points for Nonads. 5 + 5 = 10

1,2,3,4,5 fingers plus 1,2,3,4,5 fingers equals 10 fingers

Now aren't you proud of yourself?

Hopheads VRS The Gougers:
The dumb luck team VRS the no luck team. I don’t even want to try and predict this game. I have about as much of a chance of getting this right as I do of crapping out a dozen golden eggs. How does Bob win, let alone hold onto sole possession of second place? Look at his total score for the year, 611! There are 7 of us behind him in the standings with better total scores. This guy competes for low score of the week in 1/2 his games and he has only one loss! Now if that aint a bunch of B.S. I don’t know what is. You know what? Fu__ it! I’m going for the gusto!
Prediction:
Gougers by 15


Demons VRS The Molester:
Oh, now aint this a sight! You could add both of their scores together this week and they still wont be able to compete for the high score of the week. Both teams are loaded up with banged up, bruised up, screwed up, wannabees and has beens. One third of their rosters belong on the bench, the second third belong in jail and the remaining third belong in a retirement home. I am so disgusted in you guys. Two Cowboy fans and all I see is one Dallas player between the both of you. Tsk, tsk, tsk. You guys should be ashamed. You call yourself Cowboy fans. Just wait till I call your Mothers.
Prediction:
Demons by 5
Don’t get a woody Demons. I only predicted for you because you have DeMarcus Ware on your roster. If it weren’t for that I’d throw the both of you to the wolves.

Homers Heros VRS The Belmont Blues:
Boy, it just gets uglier and uglier as I go on doesn’t it? The Blues, yes the lowly Blues are projected to beat me by 12 points! And you know what? I believe it….. DAMNIT! ….As usual, I am clueless as to what I am to do. It looks like my goose is cooked. Yup, my number is up. Toast to be. Out of gas, running on empty. No fire in my cracker. Dumped my load. No filling in my twinkie. I’ve got to hand this one to ya Blues. You’ve got me this week.
Prediction:
Blues by 12

Heros taking the fall this week

Happy Halloween
From my family to yours