WEEK 6 PREDICTIONS

WEEK 6 PREDICTIONS

I had to go see Dr, Phil this week. Judge Judy figured he could handle me. Oh boy, that was an experience (sarcasm). Let me define that for LBNL. English to LBNL definition. Sarcasm: Being a smart ass.

I’ll tell you what…Dr. Phil is such a fag. This guy has some of the dumbest advice I ever heard. He tells me that when I get upset with someone I should count to 10 before I speak. Now why would I want to delay the inevitable? Would it sound any nicer if I waited 10 seconds to thrash a fool? Is there really any chance that someone would be any less of a dumb ass if I thought about it for 10 seconds? Think not! Would I actually change my mind if I waited 10 seconds? Yeah, right! (sarcasm again LBNL) Sorry about that folks but you need to spell these things out for LBNL. He aint the brightest bulb on the tree you know.
Then this clown tells me that he masturbates every night to alleviate his frustration. Now I don’t know what the hell alleviate means but I can tell you that I would be real frustrated too if I had to jerk my chicken every night. Alleviate? Doesn’t that mean make a mess in your drawers? God what a queer! I told him to keep that one to himself. Then I realized that is exactly what he is doing…keeping it to himself. HMM, didn’t think of that at first. I think he is on to something. Maybe that 10 second thing could have worked there. I think I’ll have to give it a shot.
Next he asks me to think of something nice to say about all my opponents… Ok
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Nope, didn’t work. Need a whole lot more time for that one. Gonna have to break out a calendar to pull that one off.
Then he suggests that I need to love myself.
I had to hit him upside the head for that one. I already told him that I aint gonna spank the monkey. God that guy his thick headed! What is with his obsession with that crap anyway? Do all shrinks think that torquin the twinkee is the answer to everything? Can you answer that Molesters? I just know you have had to see plenty of these goobers in your time.
The next thing this friggin moron tells me is that when someone frustrates me I should give them a big hug and tell them that I love ‘em. Huh? Now what kind of stupid crap is that? Could you picture me doing that? Think not!
Well the session ended there and Dr. Phil holds out his hand to shake and say good bye. I tell him “no way dude, you already told me what you do with that hand every night. Go shake yourself!” I also told him that I am bringing my tail gating chair to sit in for next week session because the leather on his couch looks like he has been using his spunk as a conditioner.
I guess I shouldn’t have said that last one because as a result he decided to give me an exercise for this weeks predictions. He told me that in this weeks predictions I had to say at least one good thing about each opponent. He also said that if I didn’t do it he would report me to Judge Judy and I would get thrown in the pokey for not following the conditions she laid down.

On to the predictions!


Can you folks believe it is week 6 already? The season is going by so fast. Speaking of unbelievable this reminds me of the first matchup I want to predict….

Boozers VRS Nonads:
I can’t believe the Boozers are undefeated. Even more amazing is the fact that he has no QB this week and is still projected to beat his opponent by 14 points! How do you do it Boozers? Tell me your secret. Did you sell your soul to the fantasy football Gods? Are you banging the big wigs at Yahoo? Did you give up your first born? Do you spike your opponents drinks? Or is it just plain old fashion dumb luck? I mean common man! Look at your team! Hasselback for a QB? My daughter can throw a better ball. My dog could blow a fart farther than he can throw the ball. Hell, my Grandma could punt him in the ass for more yardage! Jennings…your just plain lucky with him. That wont last because his QB Rogers is a wanna be. Torry Holt? Oh common! How can you be undefeated with that sad sack on your team? Forte? Give me a break! Carlson for a TE? Yeah right! OK, OK you have Portis and Fitzgerald but how can you put up all those points with only 2 studs? I just don’t get it. I don’t know about the rest of you but I smell something funny and it aint one of Nimrods pumpkin farts.
I’m looking at this matchup and I say to myself that this is a pure example of the Yahoo projections gone awry. Just aint happening. The buzzards are circling you this week Boozers cause your getting your first loss. Dead meat brother! Dead meat!
Not that I think the Nonads are all that but I see some real good matchups that should bring him enough points. Santana Moss will rack ‘em up against lowly St. Louis. His San Diego kicker will be busier than a 4 legged man in a butt kicking contest. McNabb will score big time against San Fran. Both his DL’s will score more than most WR’s this week.
Prediction: Nonads by 4
Oh yeah, gotta say something nice about each of these clowns. Boozers I still love your team name so don’t feel too hurt bud. Nonads… uh, how’s it hanging? Hmm, that might not work. Let’s see now.. Oh I got it, Nonads, at least you don’t have to waste money on a cup!

Brew Crew VRS The Blues:
All I got to say here is it sucks to be you Brew Crew. Your gonna hand the Blues their first win and your gonna catch all kinds of hell for that. We’re gonna be all over you like stink on crap when this one is over. And guess what? He is gonna do it with everybody else’s scraps! Brown, Bryant and Welker were all good pickups. Good job preacher! I see you have been saying your prayers. Blues is short a TE and still projected to kick your butt Chris. How embarrassing! In addition I think he has a couple players on the bench at the moment that he is waiting to put in as a surprise for you. You might as well have just held on to all of your coveted Bills defense because your new pick ups aint gonna help you dude. I mean look at ‘em. What were you thinking? Did you and the Boozers tie on a good one before you made those changes? Vrabel? Eh? Ian Scott? Are you serious? Hobbs? OK now I know you’re a nut!
Prediction: Blues by 5
Oops, almost forgot the coo coo butt crap.
Brew Crew, your team name only comes in second place to the Boozers and your avatar is no longer the #1 gay avatar. Molesters took that # 1 spot. How’s that Dr. Phil? A two for one!
Blues, nice job picking up every body else’s scraps. Sure hope it works for you cause nothing else has so far.


Molesters (alias Maulers) VRS Last but not Leasts:
Here we have the wit brothers playing each other. Dim & Dip. This will prove to be entertaining. (Sarcasm again LBNL)
LBNL, are you really going with Eli over Cutler? And Braylon Edwards in your line up too? You are a bubble short of being level aren’t you? This will be your downfall this week bub. Sure hope you enjoyed Jacobs performance last week because he aint doing it again!
I see the Molesters picked up Devin Hester. I think that is a good pick up this week. I guess this week Bush wont do anything since Molesters has him in the line up. This will be the week Edgerrin James will put up some numbers. Give it up Gabe. You can’t win this one. You will always have the high scoring RB on the bench and the bum on your roster. Don’t worry too much though. It wont be enough to cause you to loose this one because PETE SUCKS!
Do us all a favor Gabe. Ditch that avatar dude. It is disturbing!

Prediction: Molesters by 7
Now here is a challenge. Something nice to say about these two screwballs. Let’s see… LBNL, you’re a dumb ass but I love you!
Molesters, With this win you will only be the second from suckiest team. And you will be sharing that spot with LBNL.


Nimrods VRS Demons:
I think this one is going to be closer than the projections show. Warner is over rated for his match up. My Boys will not let him rack up the TD’s. On the other side I think Rivers will come close to 20 fan points. Wayne and TO are even matches so is Randel El & Burress but Nimrods have a big disadvantage with Engram. That is where the advantages stop for the Demons because Nimrods have Brown & Williams for RB’s. Those guys will get at least 3 touchdowns combined.Don’t get me wrong Robert. I love Felix Jones but I think Barber will get the workload tomorrow. He better. I have him. Nimrods also have defensive players that will rack ‘em up if they play. If they don’t then Demons have a better chance.

Prediction:Nimrods by 4
Time to be nice, Nimrods, nice cheeks! Bet your wife aint too impressed with ‘em though. Demons, your smack talk is classic. Keep it coming, it is more entertaining than your team!

Shysters VRS Hopheads:
Shysters, I see you put Huz You Mamma on the trading block. What, no faith? Don’t blame you. Last week he scored more than he will the rest of the year combined. That bum just got lucky last week. Stuckey? I smell desperation there. Luckily you have Moss and the only player on the Browns that knows how to score (Lewis). Baltimore is a real good defense to have this week. They will keep Indy under 10 points and should get a couple turn overs.
Hopheads has the Shysters beat at the QB position and I think he will double dip with Coles taking passes from Brett but that is it. Bobo, do you really think you can afford to leave a spot empty this week? Your gonna need all the help you can get if you want a chance against the black widow.


Prediction: Shysters by 3
Let me sprinkle some sugar on these two sour pusses.
Shysters, you sure can pick ‘em in football. Too bad the same can’t be said in you choice of men. I mean common! Look at you old man’s ass! Pumpkin butt?
Hopheads, you sure were a gracious looser last week. Guess your getting in practice because it’s all downhill for you from here on out!

Homers Heros VRS The Gougers:
I need to watch out for these Gougers. They are like a girly fart. Silent but deadly and you never know where it came from. I’ll watch out but I aint scared.
Marian the Vegetarian? Are YOU KIDDING ME Football Widow? This dude is a brute! Marion will be back at it this week. He will wreck that Arizona D this week. And Romo will have the game of the year tomorrow!
I can’t believe my opponent picked up big Gus. What a waste! And Roy Williams? You couldn’t pay me to put a Lions player on my roster this year. The only thing you got going for you Gougers is that Minn. defense, Driver and Petterson.


Prediction: Homers Heros by 4
Gougers your avatar is not the most queer one but don’t bend over to change a tire because the Molesters will give you a lugnut. He’s taken a shine to you.