Week 11 Predictions

Week 11 Predictions

Oh, this was a bad week. A real bad week! First Dr. Phill put me on Ritalin because my predictions last week were so incoherent. Man, that stuff has some nasty side effects. I wont tell you what they were but the end result was 2 black eyes, a knot on my forehead, a groin injury, ruined 14 pairs of underwear, had to replace the toilet twice, took out a set of box springs, the headboard, 16 ceiling tiles, the wife divorced me and for some reason the dog backs into the corner every time I come in the room. Then later that afternoon Judge Judy ran out of batteries. She made me come over to start up her gas powered love toy. The dumb ho only had enough gas for a few hours so I had to ride that old horse for the rest of the cattle drive. Then to top it all off I have Rodger Goodell calling to bust my chops. He called up and said I was in the wrong for my bitching about the Thursday night games being on the NFL Network. Aw common! Give me a break puss! I held back you cry baby! Do you want hear the truth? You want me to lay it out for you Skippy? Well your gonna hear it now since you wanna whine like a little girl.
You say I’m in the wrong for raggin on your precious NFL Network? You gotta be kidding me! Ok Bubba, just tell me, how stupid is this? NFL Network is only available on Dish. Right? Half the commercials on the NFL Network are trying to sell you dish. Right? Do you see where I’m going with this Dillrod? No? Thought not. You must be related to LBNL. Let me spell this out for you further. Now if I am here watching NFL Network then I already have Dish! Don’t ya think? How many people do you employ? How many years have you been running those adds? God you are bubble short of being level aren’t you?
NFL Network only available on satellite. Now, how wrong is that? You guys are so damn clueless! Friggin satellite works about as well as a square wheel on a bike.. Get a storm within 10 miles and your stuck watching a blank screen. If your lucky it will tease you with enough blips to thoroughly piss you off. Me? I got rid of Direct TV after a bird crapped on the dish and took it out! And this was not Big Bird that took it out either. It was a damn humming Bird! Yeah, that’s right! Friggin Tweety bird took out my last reason for living! I missed football for 2 weeks waiting on that Maytag repair man wannabe to come fix my system. And that aint all son! What about these overseas games? Who’s bright idea was that scooter? It was bad enough when you had a preseason game in Mexico. Now that was screwed up. Every time a TD was scored the announcer would scream GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAL! That was so damn irritating! This aint friggin soccer! It’s good old American football. The first time I heard that I punted my TV out the front window and took out the neighbors dog.
Now we have games “across the pond”. What kind of bull crap is that Duke? At least in Mexico the fans wore Cowboys jerseys. What the hell was that fag crap those Brits were wearing? A queer inflatable cartoon rugby ball on their heads? Give me a break! I’d rather be caught wearing my chaps with nothing underneath! Even those stupid Cheeseheads aren’t as ridiculous as what those morons were wearing! Then I gotta sit there and listen to the sportscasters calling the game in the “Queens English”! Now I don’t know about the rest of you folks but that gets on my nerves something fierce! Football, sportscasting and “proper English” don’t mix. No, no, no, not at all. Might as well put Dennis Miller back in the booth. I wish a linebacker would run by one of those announcers and clothesline ‘em a good one! Punt that son of a bitch right in the head! Gang tackle and pile on. No wait…. Scratch that….. Those fags would like that.

You also have the grand idea to have games in Asia! Oh, now that’s real bright Edison! I can see this now. China is going to infringe on all the NFL copy rights. Our players will all get lead poisoning off the chalk lines. The substandard goal post will fall over and take out an entire backfield. The refs will be knee high to all the players and they will screw up 90% of the calls because the only balls in line of sight for them will be protected by a cup. Then both teams will get thrown in jail for attempting to smuggle some of China’s best opium products back home! Oh, that’s real good for the sport aint it? God your such an idiot!

You also plan on having a game in the Middle East! Oh boy, that’s your best idea yet Einstien! I can see it now. The team bus gets hit by an IED on the way to the game. We loose 25% of our players there. Then 1/2 the crowd fires off a full clip from their AK’s on the first TD which takes out 20 more players. PLAY ON! Says Roger. Then in celebration the remainder of the winning team gets arrested for drinking un-islamic beverages which happens to be anything that doesn’t come out of a goat. All the coaches get arrested for un-islamic sexual encounters (which by the way translates to sex with anything but a goat). The remainder of the teams get their plane hijacked on the way home then ditched in the closest desert which happens to be just about anywhere in that God forsaken land! But you Roger? Yeah you and your NFL cronies walk away with 20% controlling interest in the Iraqi oil fields! You sorry Bastard.
Sorry for the rant guys, but it just had to be said.

ON TO THE PREDICTIONS!

Molesters VRS Blues:
Blues are coming off a miracle week. Can he do it again? If you look at the Yahoo projections you would think not. But these projections have been so wrong this year I’m willing to bet this week will be no different. I have a feeling the Blues will do it again. The Molesters will be the ones bending over this week.
Prediction: Blues by 7

Nimrods VRS LBNL:
All I have to say on this one is ….. LBNL if you want us all to quit thinking you’re a retard then bench Eli! Do that then we can downgrade it to moron!
Prediction: Nimrods by 10

Hopheads VRS Boozers:
Boozers, Hasselback is available again. Why don’t you pick his sorry ass back up? He is just your style! I see you are still wearing your bling. This means you are doomed. I’m telling you dude, that bling is your curse. Besides that, Bob hasn’t had a sloppy win in 4 weeks. He is due.
Prediction: Hopheads by 4
Your team name is all the bling you need Boozers.

Shysters VRS Brew Crew:
The Brew Crew has been sober all week preparing for this one. I say all week but to tell you the truth the week started after Monday night football. But for him that is one hell of a stretch. Shysters are due a loss and I think the Brew Crew are the ones to do it. Anita, you really don’t think you could beat both lushes in or group did you?
Prediction: Brew Crew by 6

Demons VRS Gougers:
Demons, your in trouble. The Gougers broke out the big guns this week. Lookie there! Roy Williams. I know the Nimrods don’t want to hear this but I think Roy will get all the big plays while T.O. is just used as bait. By the way, what possessed you to pick up Ryan as a QB? Is all that heat getting to you? Turn on the AC down there Demon! Your getting loopy!
Prediction: Gougers by 9

My Heros VRS Nonads:
The Nonads are trying to sneak in a stealthy win this week. And you know what? I think he just may pull it off! I hate to say it but he has a lot of players in that NC / Detroit game. I think he will come out of that one looking pretty. Your game Dude, not you. Your still an ugly bastard in my book.
Prediction: Nonads by 4