Week 5 Predictions

WEEK 5 PREDICTIONS

What the hell is going on with all last years WR studs this year? Can you folks believe the crappy performance of these guys so far this season? It’s a shame, a low down shame! I mean, who would have seen this coming? Did any of you guys expect this, this, this, this God awfully travesty?

Well, not all of it is a complete surprise. I can understand T.O. This one was expected. He’s with a team that can’t pamper him by throwing every ball his way. Hell, he’s with a team that can’t throw the ball at all! Cry me a river! Sure would hate to be the sucker that drafted that looser! ‘Eh Boozers?

Braylon Edwards was another expected one. Now tell me, is anyone gonna be dumb enough to pick up this no hands clown. Huh Bobbo?

Brandon Marshall is another gimme. The only thing you can bet on that punk catching anytime soon is a stint in the pokey. I can’t believe he hasn’t landed there already. Let’s see now, who is the nut that drafted this crack head Hommie… and the winner is…Brew Crew!

But tell me folks, what is the story with Randy Moss? How about Fitzgerald? Boldin, Gage, Welker, Roddy White, Steve Smith, and Roy Williams? Are they all dropping the ball because they are used to having two balls in their hands while spending two thirds of the game on the bench or are they just leaving too much man jizz in their hands? Somebody please, save the NFL and send these fellas a pack of baby wipes!

I just don’t get it guys! I don’t get it at all. Last years studs are getting the scraps while a bunch of rookies with queer-bait names like Percy, Garson & Collie spank their asses. It’s just friggin embarrassing! They are getting shown up by a fag, Mr. French and friggin Lassie! C’mon! At least let it be Cujo or Air Bud that does it, not Lassie? Who’s next? Bengie? Old Yeller? Friggin Underdog? How about Scooby Doo?

And the QB’s are doing almost as bad. Who would have thought going into this season that Gerrard, Flaco, Palmer, Orton or Cutler would be scoring higher fantasy points than studs like Brady and Romo? Has the world turned upside down? Have these stud QB’s forgot how to throw? No….HELL NO! It’s all these over paid, sissy baby, spoiled ass, WR’s. These damn WR’s are dropping more passes than my cell drops calls. These friggin pansies wannabes couldn’t catch a cold.

C’mon now, I can’t be on an island here, am I? You folks are wondering too, aren’t you? I mean, what has come of the world these days? Is this the National Football League or the National Fag League? This might as well be flag football! I’ll tell you one thing. If I see another Sunday of pitiful performances like I saw last week I’m gonna punt my TV across the room.

Well, I guess I might as well give the predictions a shot. It’s almost impossible to predict with the way all these clowns play now days. But at least the RB’s are showing up for the games. I guess that’s the ticket to success this year. I’ll have to base my predictions on the RB’s and defenses.


Poopflingers VRS Morons:

Can the Poopflingers remain undefeated? If you look at the projection this is a gimme. But you know what? Toss those projections right out the window! I’d say the only projection that is on the money is Braylon Edwards with 2 points. Hell, that may be too generous even.
Yeah, yeah, Poopflingers will win this one but there is no way it will be by 18 points like the Yahoo Gurus project.
Prediction: Poopflingers win this by a hair on their skid mark producing ass.


Blues VRS Boozers

I think Mr. Bling has troubles. Man, don’t you have even one decent WR dude? Yeah, yeah, Lassie has some fantasy points but not this week. Then T.O. & Burleson? Are you kidding me? Hell, you don’t even have one half ass RB to make up for that sorry ass WR line up. Dude, break out the butter because your toast. I have no idea why the yahoo projections have this matchup projected to be so close. I think the Jets D will out score your Stealers D. His WR’s will get 4X and his RB’s will get 2X the points of yours. The only projection even close are for the QB’s.
Prediction: Blues take this by 7 or more.

Maulers VRS Brew Crew:
Well I got run over by the short bus last week. Now it’s your turn Brew Crew. That Bengals D is better than they give credit so your wannabe QA Flaco is defiantly overrated this week. And your WR’s wont score 1/2 of what the projections say. Your RB’s may do you OK and that Buffalo D will score well against the Browns but the Maulers have you out matched with Peterson alone.
Prediction: Maulers win this by 10 or more

Gougers VRS LBNL:
Should I even give this one the time of day? I think not. LBNL is just looking to give this one away.
Prediction: Gougers take this easy. I’ll bet he wins this by 20

Shmaritpant VRS Demons:

The Demons got him a W last week! Woo Hoo! Too bad that is the end of that streak. Shmartipants is going to beat you with one empty slot. Damnit to hell ‘eh Demons? Sorry Dude. You know I love ya Bud but I aint blind man. She’s gonna spank you so bad your gonna wish this week never happened. The only advice I can offer is you sit some guys and leave more empty positions than her so you will at least have an excuse.
Prediction: Shmartipants win this by 14

My Twisters VRS the Birdbrains:
C’mon Dave! Haven’t you thought of a decent name yet? Don’t you have any imagination? Geeze dude. What are we gonna do with you?
Well, the Yahoo projections got you beating me pretty good and in this case I’ll have to say I agree. But I also say, if there is a God, (which by the way I do believe and also believe he is a vengeful God) then your gonna get punished just for making fun of his team.
Prediction: Twisters win this by 3